The Adventures of a Foreign Albanian

The adventurer's return

2010-06-11T22:56:00.003-05:00

A year ago, blogging was left to the side of the road as I took up a few other callings in my life. But after a year, I've felt the draw to return sorting, processing, and sharing. The adventures of this Foreign Albanian have continued on... in this year I've been silent.

I've since traveled back home twice, once at Christmas and once just a few weeks ago on a research trip. God has been faithful, and this year has been like none other.

Summer has started, and the long days are stretching into the evening. God's whispers are in the cool still spring wind of Oregon, and his glory is painted in the skies.

As always, there is a point to my writing, a personal calling and challenge of my Lord. This summer the challenge is to manhood, to learn who I am. I was at a weekend conference last month on Identity and one of the speakers described sanctification as becoming who we already are. He gave two illustrations, that of a husband and a father. On his wedding day, a man becomes a husband. It's who he is, and nobody denies that. BUT then he spends the rest of his life learning what it means to be a husband and striving to become who he already is. The same goes for a man who before the birth of his first child is not a father, but then one day becomes a father. He can never not be a father now, but he sill spend the rest of his life learning and growing into who he already is.

I need not prove my manhood, or even my status as a son of God, but I have felt a specific calling to truly learn what it means to be a man of God.

This spans over every aspect of my life from what I do when I'm at home to who I am with friends or strangers. This is my summer's journey, so far it's been amazing!

There are too many to talk about right now as my mind get's overwhelmed by the thought of even trying to mention all the lessons and thoughts that have been pouring into my head, but I guess a lot of them will need their own blogpost!

I guess this will be nothing more than an introduction, and the summer will tell how much I will actually write about my "Summer of MAN!" as I like to call it!

(after reviewing some of my old posts I see a DISTINCT need for brevity which I am now instituting!)

A New and Blessed Calling

2009-06-23T00:17:00.004-05:00

I have found it near impossible to post anything since my return from Oklahoma because it is VERY difficult for me to write on subjects other than the particular ones that have captured my heart and thus inspire blogs. I have refrained from truly writing about the issues that have been bouncing around my heart and mind in order that I could keep it delicately under wraps that the Foreign Albanian has finally been called by God, to pursue the heart of a Godly young woman.

This is a delicate subject simply because dating relationships of any kind can be very taboo in Albania, and not wanting to give my Albanian friends the wrong impression of myself I have diligently kept it a secret from them (if there are any Albanians reading this PLEASE continue reading and you will see my TRUE heart concerning this relationship—my intentions, my actions, etc.). But I find myself continually turning over the reality of this calling in my head and processing it constantly, because like any other calling, I take it VERY seriously.

So my rather feeble attempt at a blog was my last post where I did not mention the fact that I have begun a relationship at all, and this post will be completely about the calling itself rather than focusing on our story. Maybe a later post will be about our story, which is quite a tale (even as short as it is) woven in are, heartache, seeking God, tears, long nights, prayer, a long semester, a letter, a trip, a return, and a romance!

But for this post, I want to focus on the calling itself. Because it IS a calling from the Lord! Someone remarked to me recently, “Well all you do with your weekends is spend time with your girlfriend!” This intrigued me slightly and got me thinking about my relationship with my girlfriend. Sheesh, we need a name for her don’t we? If I am the Foreign Albanian, shall we call her the Portland Girl? Maybe the American Blonde? I shall have to ask her how she would prefer to be referred to in future posts…

Anyways, the comment disturbed me slightly, first of all, because it is not true, but secondly because spending time with my girlfriend, even if it would happen to be all weekend was treated so flippantly. Say, for instance, that I spend my weekend preparing for teaching at the Kingdom Bible study and then cap off the weekend by teaching this thing that I have put so much time and effort into. I cannot imagine saying with the same tone of voice, “Well all you do with your weekends is prepare teachings and teach a Bible study!”

I realized that perhaps the world around me doesn’t see my relationship as a true calling from the Lord as I do. With teaching the Kingdom Bible Study at George Fox, I spend HOURS thinking, pacing, reading, listening to other sermons on the same verses, praying, and finally writing out an outline for my teaching and then teaching it! I take my calling very seriously and invest a huge amount of time and effort into it.

I have two reasons for doing this, firstly because the LORD GOD ALMIGHTY has placed that calling on my heart, and drawn me to that path. To not follow it would be disobedience and to do it half heartedly would be lukewarm and apathetic about the work of God that HE IS passionate about.

The second reason is because I LOVE IT!! I love the research, the deep thinking, the hours alone processing and searching the scriptures and seeking God for gems to share.

In a similar fashion I am JUST as passionate about pursuing this Godly young woman as I am about the Bible study. I am probably even MORE passionate about it. This calling bears SO MUCH MORE responsibility than the Bible Study.

I remember being at my church here in America when God laid the Bible Study on my shoulders and feeling the weight of the responsibility of leadership. It was an interesting feeling because I knew that I could not bear it by myself, but ONLY by God’s grace and submission to his complete authority could I not COMPLETELY screw up in my calling.

In comparison my calling to pursue this young lady’s heart scares me because of the amount of responsibility it bears. My responsibility as one of the leaders of the Kingdom Bible study at George Fox is BEANS compared to the responsibility of not only trying to with her heart EVERY DAY, but CARING for it, and PROTECTING it, and LEADING our relationship in passionate pursuit of what we’ve been called to as a couple.

I’ll get more into our story probably in another post, but the second day of our relationship we sat down and laid out our rules for passionately pursuing purity. And the thesis statement, if you will, or vision for our relationship is James 3:17-18:

“But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.”

God has called us to a WISE relationship. I PRAY that we would be GRACED with that wisdom from heaven. That our relationship would be FIRST pure. That would be our FIRST goal, our abiding theme. PURITY. That our relationship would be defined by it in our minds when we’re together and apart, but also that would be the relationship’s definition for all our friends who are watching us.

Purity is SO crucial in any relationship between guys and girls. It is the CORNERSTONE to having a wise relationship. I have found that impurity in a relationship is the equivalent of pride in ministry, say teaching, or worship leading. Think about it, what is pride in ministry? To me it is the replacing of God on the throne and placing myself squarely on it to receive the glory that in not due to me!!

This CRIPPLES ministry. When pride comes into the leadership of ANY sort of ministry, it is bound for destruction. Because the leaders have exchanged the glory of God for their own glory, also known as idolatry.

Similarly in a relationship, when God is on the throne of the lives of BOTH people involved, purity reigns in order to GLORIFY God. This is in PURE interaction between a man and woman falling deeper in love with Jesus and him letting that love spill over onto each other. God CREATED romance!! He LOVES it! He also created extremely strong physical passions and desires which are AWESOME for marriage! So, I am over the moon that I get to be a part of a romance created, instigated, and LED by Jesus! I LOVE knowing that I am GLORIFYING God by pursuing this amazing woman and that he created all the feelings and emotions and for lack of a better word AMAZINGNESS that goes hand in hand with a relationship. At the same time, we have to guard against NUMEROUS feelings and emotions that are awakened by a relationship with each other that are meant STRICLTY for marriage.

So, back to my analogy of impurity in relationship and pride in ministry. Both are removing God from the throne and claiming to know better and do things MY WAY. Both are destructive, as pride will destroy a ministry so will impurity destroy a relationship.

EVERY TIME I go to spend time with my girlfriend, I pause and pray. I pray that purity would be our GOAL, not just some rule that we try to pay attention to sometimes, but it would be something that we are AIMING for, not a line we’re trying not to cross.

Remember those verses from James? “wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere”

So, I’ve explained purity, now on to peaceable. I think the NIV says “peace-loving.” This is CRUCIAL in a dating relationship. And actually before I go on anymore let me clarify. Although I may say “dating relationship” our relationship is SPECIFICALLY a courtship. The difference between a dating relationship and a courtship is that courting is not just for having fun. It is purposed and has a goal. It is God leading a man to pursue a woman in order to see if God created them to complete each other and live out the rest of their lives together.

I am courting her. Do we go on dates? Oh yeah! But I am not simply enjoying having a girlfriend around for kicks and laughs. I am STUDYING her. I am a STUDENT of her in order to know how to bless her more, and in deeper ways. Because frequently in dating relationships it’s about “what can I get from you” and in a courtship it’s “how can I serve and bless you.” I want to KNOW her so deeply, I want to NEVER be surprised by one of her actions because I am so AWARE of her feelings and emotions and inner workings that NOTHING would take me by surprise because I am a student of her! But anyways, now that the distinction between dating and courting has been made, back to a peace-loving relationship.

Like I said, our relationship’s vision is to be a flesh and blood example of James 3:17, so next is our passion for peace. This means several things. First it means that when conflicts arrive, we LOVE peace so much we fight for it! Is it hard? Yes it is, but we BOTH deal with conflict. It was actually the first thing that attracted me to her was her method of conflict resolution. We do not say goodnight angry at each other. I remember a fight we had months and months ago (as just friends) and it was primarily my fault. But as you know, it is hardly ever completely one person’s fault in conflict, and this was no different. Tensions were high and she could have responded in a better way than she did, and she apologized for it! Even though nothing would have happened if it were not for me, she still apologized for her minor offense. She humbled herself, admitted guilt, and asked for forgiveness. This is all a part of pursuing peace.

We haven’t fought in a long time, but that doesn’t mean that there haven’t been tense moments at all! I happen to talk a lot and when a person does that, there are mistakes made and things said that shouldn’t be said (if you didn’t know this already you need to spend some serious time in Proverbs). When there is tension between us, after a mini-argument, or just a disagreement where we aren’t pleased with each other, I sit down and listen to 1st Corinthians 13 over and over again. I want to make this a habit in myself to do whenever we fight in order to truly grasp God’s definition of love and to carry that out in all my words and actions towards her.

I have made more than my share of mistakes, but peace is a two-part deal. It is not only humbling oneself and asking for forgiveness, but it is also covering the other person’s mistakes in love. When this happens on BOTH sides of a relationship, there is peace. Not only is there peace in the relationship, but also that peace overflows to all other areas of life. Also, our focus on peace is not just concerning peace within the relationship but also what comes from it. For instance, we have all been around couples that have intimate/private moments in public or in the middle of a circle of friends. Our relationship is about other people and serving other people and blessing other people, not locking out the rest of the world in order to get 20 more minutes of “private” time together.

Next in the verse is “Gentle, and open to reason.” Let’s face it, relationships aren’t perfect, and sometimes close friends need to step in a lend words of wisdom to the couple. This should be our reaction. There are a TON of emotions going on in the middle of a relationship and when somebody steps in and tells you you’re doing something wrong, tensions can rise because of the sheer amount of emotion wrapped up in the subject. Being gentle, and open to reason is tied in to peace-loving too because that is how correction should be taken. It’s interesting because the next one also has to do with peace-loving in my mind because of it’s influence on conflict resolution—Mercy.

Let me share something, I have gotten SO MUCH mercy from this young lady. She has forgiven me time and time again, when I don’t deserve to be forgiven. I don’t deserve second chances, or forgiveness, love, affection, or anything really, and she ALWAYS forgives me. And covers my mistakes in love—THAT is mercy.
The verse actually puts mercy together with “good fruits” if you look at the phrasing. And I think that’s a huge part of it. If a relationship is not producing fruit, it needs to stop or change.

I am SO much better because of this young lady. I process 10X more than I used to and have the freedom to talk all my processes out with her to get them clearer in my head. Not only that, I can talk for half an hour and then she says 5 words that blow my mind. THAT is the young woman that I am pursuing. I cannot wait to begin teaching the Bible study again in the Fall with her by my side helping me! I pray that the good fruit extends beyond our own lives and into the lives of others and that God would use us for his glory, that we may prove ourselves to be his disciples by our fruit (John 15:8).

Finally, there are two qualities to heavenly wisdom left. Impartiality and sincerity. Like I said before, there are so many emotions wrapped up in a relationship that impartiality is necessary sometimes. I have to emotionally remove myself from the relationship in order to look at it (or at least try to) without bias. This is to scrutinize our actions and my own thoughts and feelings and see if they are TRULY honoring to Christ or not.

Finally, sincerity is so crucial in a relationship. I’ve seen and heard of relationships where one person is deceiving themselves and the other person into thinking that they are engaged in the other person and really care about them, but actually don’t and are maybe more into falling in love with falling in love than falling in love with a person. (haha, okay, just for kicks reread that last clause and laugh with me that I actually wrote it).

Also, truth is an abiding theme in our courtship. We communicate thoughts, feelings, emotions, and motives with eachother. A) in order to know each other better, and B) for the sake of sincerity with one another.

If there is anyone on this earth that I want to be completely myself with, it’s her. I can be myself with her like I can be with no one else. The freedom of genuinity (ok, say genuine, and then add an “ity” on the end and you’ve got it) with one another is a gift from God and when couples lose that, they lose out on God’s blessing.

This verse on wisdom in James is followed by verse 18 which says, “And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.” This first implies the necessity again of peace in our relationship, but secondly notice that a HARVEST of righteousness is sown by this.

I want righteousness, I want it for my relationship.

Matthew 5:6 “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they will be filled.”

In Christ-centered pursuit of an amazing, beautiful, God-fearing young woman,

-The Foreign Albanian

Disciples versus Believers

2009-05-17T00:05:00.003-05:00

Nothing made me more mad than when my Wisdom Literature teacher began watering down the Word of God. I remember him discussing how one's view of the Bible was dependent upon their view of inspiration, and how the term "infallible" really only came about in the 1800s. I didn't understand the concept of blood boiling in anger until that moment. I was furious that he would toy with the gospel in that fashion. Why did I freak out so much? Because in my calling to George Fox University the Word of God is EVERYTHING.

I'm ending the second week of summer as I type this. I spent the first ten days of my summer down in Oklahoma teaching on this very topic- the Word of God. I want to thank everybody that was praying for me in my time down there, God TRULY blessed it. He did the teaching and I got to watch the people receive (or not). I was covered in such a blanket of prayer and I felt it. But I LOVED going down there because there are so many men my age who are APATHETIC concerning the word!

When I am in worship and I am truly seeking God and I ask in what way can I glorify him most in my life, the past few times the image that comes to my mind is that of my Bible. God has blessed me with such a passionate pursuit of his Word that when my professor begin to TRIVIALIZE it, I became livid. God blessed me with the opportunity to teach for an entire semester, once a week, on the Kingdom of Heaven and I loved it. I loved watching the people and I the lives slowly being changed by the Spirit. I know that it was not me that brought this change! I even had one of my good friends say to me, "You know, your teachings aren't really that good. But God really uses them!"

The last true meeting we had, during the discussion time my co-leader asked everyone to share how the Kingdom Bible study made a difference in their lives, or simply how the Spirit worked through it. Every single person spoke and it was music to my ears to hear the work of the Lord!!

You know, when people ask me about the Bible study, generally the question I get is, "how many people show up?" That's a fine question, nothing wrong with it, but I can't say I have ever been asked, "Are people living differently? Is there eternal fruit being produced by this gathering of people on Saturday nights?" If I was asked that, the answer would be a resounding YES!! This is from the Spirit working in a group of people that gather week after week to listen to teaching and discuss the Word of God! I LOVE the Word. I love it.

When I went down to Oklahoma I taught three main points over 4 days in 5 different teachings.

1) The necessity of the Word of God for sanctification.
2) Listening to the Word of God
3) The difference between Disciples and Believers

Romans 1:16-17, “For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek. For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith for faith, as it is written, ‘The righteous shall live by faith.’”

The gospel IS the power of God for the salvation of believers. The power of God almighty that is for the purpose of saving believers IS the gospel. I taught for 4 days the necessity of being in passionate pursuit of this salvation. But I capped off my entire time with a focus on John 8:31-32,

“So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed in him, ‘If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.’”

ABIDING in the WORD is the difference between the two. Notice how that first verse says that Jesus is addressing Jews that believed in him? At the end of the chapter they pick up stones to throw at Jesus. THAT is what simple believers are capable of.

DISCIPLES on the other hand ABIDE in the Word. John 15 discusses this concept and even paints a word picture of grape vines.

John 15:4-8, “Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in me he is thrown away like a branch and withers; and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned. If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples.”

Oh to glorify God by bearing fruit and PROVING to be his disciples…

John 8:31-32 are my verses for my floor next year as an RA at George Fox. God has called me to a summer of prayer and I am praying for a mighty work that my floor would be a floor of DISCIPLES of Jesus. Please pray with me, I see so many broken men at my campus and I such a desperate need for Godly men! Pray with me for a floor of disciples!!

Paul kicks of all the book of Romans with a KILLER verse. “Paul, a servant of Christ Jesus, called to be an apostle, set apart for the gospel of God.” Would it not be a great thing to be DEFINED as a servant of Christ? To have that as a job title? But most importantly, for that to be true!! I pray that I am a servant but even more so to be set apart for the gospel. Servanthood is a natural ramification of immersement in the gospel.

Paul was set apart FOR the gospel. This implies two things. First, it was an action of God that he was set apart. This is a clear action of God to set Paul apart FOR the gospel. The question, though, is immediately raised, set apart from what? The answer I would argue is the world. Set apart to be DIFFERENT from mere believers and to be a disciple.

James 4:4 says, “You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. “

1st John 1:15-17, “Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.”

Notice that word “abides” at the very end of that last verse? This is a practice that needs to begin NOW and will continue through to eternity.

The second thing that Paul being set apart FOR the gospel is exactly that that the purpose for which he was set aside was the gospel. This means two things, that a) his life is forfeit to the sharing of the gospel with others because this was his purpose in Christ to share this SANCTIFICATION with others. And b) that his life is DEFINED by that gospel. The gospel was NOT set apart for Paul, but rather Paul for the gospel. So the TRANSFORMATION must happen in him in order for him to share this with others.

And this echoes the separation of the disciple from the world even more deeply in Romans 12:1-2, “I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

Those are famous verses of great personal sacrifice which seems to require great motivation! A friend of mine was having a rough time finding motivation this week, so I sent them a message with the motivation for this sacrifice that Paul provides in the immediately preceding verses at the end of Romans 11. Here’s the message,

* * *

You know the famous verses of Romans 12:1-2? About presenting your body as a living sacrifice? They are some of my favorite verses in scripture but so many people don't know what the verses before say.

Romans 11:32-36 preface the personal sacrifice and worship and transformation of ourselves with this,

"Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways!

'For who has known the mind of the Lord,
or who has been his counselor?'
'Or who has given a gift to him
that he might be repaid?'

For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen"

That last verse, 36, is the BATTLE CRY of Romans.

1) For from him-- EVERYTHING, absolutely ALL of creation flows through THE WORD. Remember John 1:3?

James says that every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of heavenly lights who DOES NOT CHANGE LIKE SHIFTING SHADOWS.

Our LOVING God is constant, steady, but most importantly, he is FOUNDATIONAL. The Word of God holds the power of creation and all good things came THROUGH Him. (notice that that was my second point)

3) To him are all things-- EVERYTHING was made for God. Everything was made for the expressed purpose of glorifying God. Everything that was created from Him, and through Him is FOR Him.

4) to him be the Glory FOREVER --- this is the motivation part. Life is not about how I feel. Life is about my "being for the praise of his glory" (Eph. 1:11-12)

I don't know if this is encouraging or not, but I sure hope so. I think you're awesome and I hope you have a day FULL of motivation driven by a passionate desire to GLORIFY!!”

* * *

Our motivation for this call to be a disciple is found in our passion for the glory of God.

Pray with me this summer for my floor of Men next year to be true disciples.

Passionately pursuing intimacy with Christ through the Word,

-The Foreign Albanian

The Nature of Servanthood

2009-04-02T18:11:00.004-06:00

Sometimes people will email me. Sometimes people will pull me aside to talk to me. Sometimes what they have to say to me is rebuke, or correction, or they are simply asking for prayer. Other times, by email, facebook message, skype, face to face, it is to say “thank you” or, “God is using you so much,” etc. Quite honestly I love the praise (or if you didn’t know, the good Christian way to term it is “encouragement”). I don’t mean to belittle it, I truly am encouraged, and I know that nobody’s desire is to praise this Foreign Albanian, but for some reason that is EXACTLY what my ears and heart lock onto.

I’ve struggled with this, especially in response. Someone says “thank you” and I have one of two responses….1) Pride in myself and the feeling/thought of, “you know, I actually thought I was really helping people too, and did quite a smashing job of it…” or 2) “Dear Lord, what do I do? I feel as though I’m being thanked for the work that you have done.”

It probably wouldn’t take too much mental work on your part to guess which one happens most frequently, but interestingly enough did you know that BOTH now have the SAME outward action?!

When I am feeling proud of myself, I have thought it through well enough to say, “Well I’m glad that Jesus did something for you.” And EVEN IN THOSE WORDS OF MINE, the blood-sucking vine of pride wraps itself around me and drags me away. But when I truly am fully aware of my lack of the job description of the Holy Spirit, my answer remains the same, “I’m glad that Jesus did something for you.”

Pride is the most CRIPPLING sin. Can you imagine a more heinous crime? It’s not just me thinking well of myself, it is rather me REMOVING Christ as Lord of my life, and placing myself DIRECTLY on the throne, and loving every second of it.

A discourse on pride was probably not what you were expecting when you read the title was it? It’s actually only an intro to the thoughts that have been swimming around my mind concerning the true nature of serving.

I have to watch myself when I talk about the Kingdom of Heaven Bible study to other people. I have to be careful because sometimes, I’m not sharing the work of God for the glory of God, I’m sharing what God is doing for the glory of myself.

My heart and passion is to serve my God. My Lord has asked me to teach at this Bible study and so I do. It is done in obedience, love and with the purpose of pursuing humility for me. But I am dragged away and enticed by my own evil desires to “do something” or “be somebody.”

The nature of the Servant is not one that desires recognition. I wonder why I try to impress man, when I already “am somebody” to God? Jesus words in John 5:44 come to mind, “How can you believe, when you receive glory from one another and do not seek the glory that comes from the only God?”

Jesus even questions my BELIEF when I accept praise from man and do not SEEK praise from God!

The nature of a servant is humble. And humility is more than just a lack of pride. Humility is the death of self every day (notice how that is the OPPOSITE of placing self on the throne) and living completely dependent upon the Father.

In discussing servanthood, I am NOT referring to serving man. Yes, this IS how serving is practically displayed, but my primary purpose is not to serve man, but rather to serve the Father BY serving man.

Jesus in the gospels was tempted out in the desert by three things, selfish indulgence, fame, and power. Jesus, was TEMPTED. He felt the pull and ATTRACTION of the food, fame and power. What am I to do when I feel the urge to self indulge? Or when I desire renown among my peers? How about when I want to have power over others and am put in a position of leadership?

I am not to give in. Why not? Because my existence is not defined by the service of self. God created me to serve him, and show my heart of service in relation to other people. Why is it that I must not live for my own desires and will? Jesus again in John 5, says in verse 30, “I can do nothing on my own. As I hear, I judge, and my judgment is just, because I seek not my own will but the will of him who sent me.”

Luke 17:7-10 “Will any one of you who has a servant plowing or keeping sheep say to him when he has come in from the field, ‘Come at once and recline at table’? Will he not rather say to him, ‘Prepare supper for me, and dress properly, and serve me while I eat and drink, and afterward you will eat and drink’? Does he thank the servant because he did what was commanded? 10 So you also, when you have done all that you were commanded, say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done what was our duty.”

I am called to be the servant of this story. Have you ever been so tired, so in need of nourishment after an ENTIRE day of serving, and then you get back to the house, your place of comfort, and the master REQUIRES MORE? This can be difficult sometimes as the inner man demands to be noticed, thanked, appreciated rather than be driven around from one task to another.

This has been a struggle for me to overcome, but in the end of it all, I figure that God has not called me to a life for me, (what a worthless calling that would be anyways) so why would I expect anything different from my master?

An unworthy servant, doing only what is his duty
-The Foreign Albanian

The Necessity of Joy

2009-02-18T12:09:00.002-06:00

Not to ring the John Piper bell all over again, but I am finding more and more the pursuit of Joy becoming the central aspect of my mornings. I have found that I am crippled through the rest of my day if I do not prepare my “inner man” for the day. I find myself earnestly seeking joy each morning, not for the purpose of obtaining joy being an end in itself, but rather that the glorification of my Lord might be made more luminous in my life through my attitude and approach to the day.

Since my coming here to America I have felt the grip of what I like to call “The American Grumble” creep up in my spirit. I have begun to feel “entitled” to many of the blessings God has bestowed upon me here at George Fox. As soon as even a single one of those blessings is removed, a spirit of victimization and unsatisfaction rises up within me. The hundreds of thousands of other blessings in my life become irrelevant at that moment and I am so impressed by this spirit that I feel the urge to express it out loud and even to others around me. Right now I pray David’s prayer at the end of Psalm 19: “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, OLORD, my rock and my redeemer.”

The Joy of the Lord is my strength each day. He is my rock and my Salvation. Psalm 18:1-2 says, “I love you, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.” No wonder James tells us to consider it pure joy whenever we face trials of many kinds. This is not a nice suggestion, but rather the manual for survival in the horrible wilderness known as the valley of the shadow of death.

I actually looked at over ten translations of the second verse in James 1 and most of them use the word “Count” as opposed to “consider”. I like the idea of counting it ALL joy in the midst of trials, because going through and listing my blessings does bring joy. To see how many gifts God has placed in my life, especially in the realm of other human beings!

Each morning I arise and begin my prayers. I pray for my roommate. He is first and foremost in my prayers every day. Always pray for the people you live with; in a way it is a prayer for your well being as well since their situation affects you so profoundly. From him I move onto close friends and family, or specific prayer requests that have come to me. I find that I cannot find joy for myself if that is my self-centered goal. I receive my Joy through other people and praying blessing over them, because you cannot pray for someone with regularity without a huge sense of blessing overcoming your soul just by the passing thought that God has blessed you so immensely by placing them in your life.

Starting and ending each day in intercession has blessed my life and walk with the Lord in a way that I cannot fully express in writing. Imagine the first thought to pass through your head in the morning was to bless others in prayer, likewise with your final thought before drifting off to sleep.
I have found that my end purpose every day is to glorify God and that the process of preparation for the greater glorification of his name through me is just as glorifying to my Lord as the actual actions that increase the praise of his glory. So in fact, my pursuit of joy for me can never be a selfish ambition because then it ceases to glorify the maker and instead is a pitiful action of the creation to try and glorify itself.

I find myself even more grateful the more I think about this (and hence even more joyful) just at the idea that God has chosen to use me for the furthering of his kingdom and increasement of the praise of his glory—that I am given the opportunity to glorify God in my mind and in the mind of others every day. God has given me the same job he has given the beauty of the rest of his creation. That a human soul might look at the wondrousness of his creation and gasp aloud at the beauty that the master artist created and respond in turn by praising the Lord.

I think of Jesus enduring the cross for the joy set before him of reconciling all of creation back unto himself, and I consider all the things that he had to put aside in order to accomplish his mission here on earth. I look at my own life and I find that I am hesitant to give up/die unto some of the smallest things simply because of my selfish nature. The joy set before me is that I might be finally united with my creator and walk with him as Adam did in the Garden. I was created for daily relationship with my maker, and sin was a barrier that kept me from him. Now that justification allows me to approach my maker I seek him out in pursuit of this indescribable joy for the furthering of his Kingdom.

Through the study of Ephesians with some friends of mine a three step process revealed itself in chapter 4:22-24: “to put off your old self. which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.” Waking each morning I first plead with God that I may put off my old self, the self that walks in independence of the Father in an attempt to live without my Lord guiding me. Second I plead for a renewal of my mind, from my old attitude to that of Christ, that of Joy. Then thirdly and finally I ask the Lord to help me put on my new self, the one created after the likeness of God in righteousness and holiness.

According to the second verse of Romans 12, once my mind is renewed to that of Christ’s I may finally discern the will of God, which is good, acceptable, and perfect. Where else can God be glorified most than in the exact center of his will?

Another thing that complete joy guards against is giving in to temptation. Because of the satisfaction and gratefulness that comes from joy, the temptations of this world seem pathetic and dim. Why would anything that has no eternal value draw me into temptation if I posses the most important treasure in eternity? I believe that Joy is realizing the very nature of God. This means that no matter what, we have this deep sense of joy (according to my dictionary, a deep sense of pleasure or happiness) because we see Almighty God and know his character.
I’m going through Philippians, my favorite book of the New Testament, right now for the reason that it seems to be all about Joy. Paul says in 3:8, “Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ.” We understand that the things of this world don’t matter and what truly matters in this life we posses in Christ, so why wouldn’t we be joyful?!? I think it’s because I forget. If I forget it’s because I don’t spend enough time with my Jesus to be daily renewed in this joy.

*sigh* Things have been getting rough over here gang. I’m doing great because of this joy that God has give me, but keep me in your prayers. Every once in a while it can be hard to be living over here, not having seen my family since June (except for mom came and visited for a few days in October). It can be difficult to deal with hard things when still learning how to function outside my comfort zone. This Foreign Albanian misses his Albania, but is so in awe of the work that God is doing here at GFU that the thought of living anywhere else is not even an option.

In the passionate pursuit of Joy

-The Foreign Albanian

The Beautiful Blessing of Calling

2009-02-15T01:34:00.007-06:00

I know, I know. The end of the month came and passed and I am 2 weeks late, but it just wasn't right until tonight.

It's an interesting phenomenon, trying to blog because the time of the month has arrived, and starting but realizing it's just not right yet. Tonight is right. Now is right.

Tonight was the 5th meeting of the Kingdom Bible Study here at George Fox University. What an amazing blessing it is! For the past 6 weeks God has let me see people, week after week, worship him and share their stories, and how "tomorrow will be different because of tonight."

There are certain times in life when I look at a situation and I cannot help but see the hand of the Lord moving in it.

Two weeks ago, we did our format a little bit differently. Usually there is a time of worship with music, then teaching, more worship, and then we discuss the teaching in the group.
This week though the teaching was cut in about half and instead of discussion we "lived out" right then and there what the teaching was on. And we spent the next hour or so in worship and praying for one another. The Holy Spirit was moving in his children! People were listening to the Spirit for insight and direction, getting up and walking over to each other or pulling people aside praying for them. The entire time Seth was playing guitar and singing worship songs over us and we'd join in between prayers.

Next week instead of the doing the regular Bible study, the group of us are going to a concert together to celebrate being in the Kingdom and loving one another in a different setting. We will be praying before leaving for the concert and I can't wait to see these people that I live with/study scripture with/pray and worship with, hang out and praise the Lord at a concert!

God is moving at George Fox!! The past few weeks, have definitely had their ups and downs but God has always shown that he is forever faithful!! So, thank you all for your prayers and keep on praying! The battle does not cease so why should our prayers?

On a more personal note, I have really felt the effects of your prayers for me in my life. More than once I’ve felt as if I was “surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses” and I thank you all for even the slightest prayer brought before the King on my behalf!

Recently, when people have asked me what they can pray for me for, I have replied that I need strength. This is because I feel myself constantly in need of the Joy of the Lord to carry me through the day. The amazing blessing of this is that it is mainly from this calling he has laid on me that this strength comes. It's fascinating how much calling "pulls you through" hard things, but also urges you on in the moments of laziness and apathy.

Psalm 119:49-56 really catches the meaning of the blessing of calling that I'm feeling...

Zayin
Remember your word to your servant,
in which you have made me hope.
This is my comfort in my affliction,
that your promise gives me life.
The insolent utterly deride me,
but I do not turn away from your law.
When I think of your rules from of old,
I take comfort, O LORD.
Hot indignation seizes me because of the wicked,
who forsake your law.
Your statutes have been my songs
in the house of my sojourning.
I remember your name in the night, O LORD,
and keep your law.
This blessing has fallen to me,
that I have kept your precepts.

What a blessing it is to walk in the path that God has called me to. God has called George Fox unto himself, and I get to watch!!!

Called, blessed, and changed by the Lord,

-The Foreign Albanian

The Kingdom Bible Study

2009-01-02T03:44:00.002-06:00

I can’t believe it’s been a year. One YEAR since I started this blog. I think the first post was the 12th of January or so. Looking back over my year, it’s been AMAZING to see God moving in so many people in so many ways. What a blessing this past year has been and I cannot wait to see what the Lord has in store for me during this next one!!

This post is a little different from most of my posts. This is more of a prayer letter than anything else. As people have followed my journey I’d hope that every once in a while you might take the time to pray for this Foreign Albanian!

When I first sat down to write this prayer letter, it was a lazy Saturday at George Fox University. I was sitting in my dorm’s lobby with three of my closest friends. We had started our day with going out and serving in freezing cold, snowing, raining weather by doing yard work (as we do every other Saturday) in a small community there in Newberg. Feeling the chill of winter outside chores, we agreed to spend the day sipping tea, lounging in blankets, homeworking, and in my case, preparing for a Bible study.
Now, over the past 5 weeks God has been leading my heart and calling me on to lead a Bible study on the Kingdom of God for next semester at George Fox. It’s quite an interesting story about how that came about, which I will not go into here, but would be happy to relate if asked.
So, as with all things like this, there must be a point, a purpose. Why would God call my friends and me to gather together once a week to worship, pray, and discuss the Kingdom of God? The point of the Bible study is to bring the Kingdom of God crashing into George Fox University. That is the purpose of gathering, of worshiping, of praying, teaching, learning, discussing: to live as citizens of the Kingdom. We will be studying Jesus during this study. The Kingdom of God is what he taught on most and we will strive to live as much like him as we can. To imitate, to reflect, and respond to his character is the other main purpose of this study. The two purposes are inextricably linked. Out of anyone who ever lived, Jesus knows more about the Kingdom of God, and knows how to bring the Kingdom better than anyone.

With this study we won’t “discover” all the answers. We won’t fully understand mystery of the Kingdom of God. I just pray that we will know it and respond to that knowledge in a daily way that is impactful and life changing (not just to those attending the study, but to everyone around us!).

Pray for the teaching. Pray that the Spirit would move in the listeners. When Jesus appears to two Christians in Luke 24:13-32, he explains how all scripture from Moses and the prophets looks forward to the Christ. This caused the two men’s hearts to burn as they listened. Pray that the Spirit would move in a similar fashion through this study.

As I said at the beginning, this is a prayer letter—a prayer letter for this Kingdom Bible study. Now, Satan doesn’t like this Bible study. He doesn’t like the idea of it. He doesn’t like the people that are going to go to it, and he doesn’t like the effect it will have. This is a step out, an attack in the heavenly realms at George Fox. Satan is NOT cool with that. He will do anything, and everything in his power to keep this study from happening.

In Luke 14:25-35, Jesus is talking to the crowds following him explaining that THEY DON’T GET WHAT IT MEANS TO FOLLOW HIM. Verses 31-35 talk about a king going to war and planning ahead to see if he’ll actually win. That’s a part of why I’m sending this letter out. In war, there are ALWAYS sentries posted around the camp. That’s what I pray this Bible study will be. It will be the camp, the place of refreshment, of challenge, of training, of nourishment.

Satan would LOVE to be able to attack us there. To make us fall apart. So, I ask you to join us in this battle—to be a sentry, to pray over this Bible study. Pray for protection from the fiery darts of the enemy. Pray for strength in us as we pursue the Kingdom of God. Pray that the Spirit would so move in us that we live CHANGED lives as citizens of heaven. Pray for us.

By the strength and power that comes only from the Spirit
-The Foreign Albanian

Trials, Temptations, and onto Teleiosity

2008-12-01T00:56:00.003-06:00

November 30th, 2008. Tomorrow will be the 1st of the last month of the year. I can’t believe it has almost been one year since I started this blog. This outpour of my heart and (today) my struggles has been a part of my life for almost 12 months…almost.

I’ve been getting that feeling that I always get at the end of the month—“I need to blog.” This time though, it hasn’t snuck up on me. I’ve been talking for a week straight to a variety of people about the topic of this post. This has been to mentally prepare me to sit, to write, to verbally boast my weakness, and to proclaim the glory of God in a way that is tangible, real, and not off-base.

Teleiosity. Interesting title eh? It’s a word that I began saying just this past week. It’s actually not a real word (as spell check is informing me), but is derived from a greek word used in the new testament, Teleios. This all began on laundry day for me this past Monday. I love laundry day. It’s a two-hour process of cleaning my clothes, and the my favorite part, and reason I love the day, is when I gather all my clothes from the dryer, put on a sermon and listen while I fold clothes.

I think I love it because I am doing something necessary, something that has to be done, but my mind isn’t. So this frees me up mentally, and forces me to take time out of my day to listen to a sermon! What a wonderful idea! I look forward to laundry day every week (or bi-weekly depending). So this past laundry day the sermon was on one word, teleios from Matthew 5:48, “Be perfect (teleios), therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect (teleios).” This word is fascinating in that it is translated as both, “mature” and “perfect” in different parts of scripture. The pastor’s point was that the word perfect can mean something different than the word teleios actually means.

When we think of a perfectionist, we think of someone who is always correcting the little things, making sure that every last detail is absolutely correct and there is nothing wrong. Now, teleios means, mature, complete, holistic, lacking nothing, perfect. This is interesting because instead of being called to a state of perfection, rather Jesus calls us to a state of “teleiosity”. Which by the way, is perfect, but “perfect” from a very different angle.

So, my week isn’t done yet, and neither is my journey with teleios. I was at a Bible study on Wednesday morning and the person talking had a different version of the Bible than I did. He was reading from Hebrews chapter 6:1-3 which says,

“Therefore let us leave the elementary teachings about Christ and go on to maturity, not laying again the foundation of repentance from acts that lead to death, and of faith in God, instruction about baptisms, the laying on of hands, the resurrection of the dead, and eternal judgment. And God permitting, we will do so.”

Well, that’s what my version said, his version happened to say “perfection” instead of maturity. This caught my attention immediately and I whispered to myself, and wrote down on my notes, “teleiosity.” Sure enough, after reading it, the teacher explained the word teleos and its meaning. Confronted twice now with teleiosity I knew God was saying something to me, and sure enough he was. God has called me to teleiosity. Just like he’s called everyone who believes in him to teleiosity.

In my last post, I mentioned how I am talking to so many people about so many issues, and dealing with others’ humanity, and my own humanity, and so on. This means that I am what?---talking a lot. What does the Bible say about this? Proverbs 10:19 says, “when words are many, sin is not absent...”

I talk a lot! I do! With many people, about many things!! Somewhere along the line I am going to screw up! And guess what, I have! James 3:2 says, “We all stumble in many ways, “If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check.” I am far from perfect, and I am at fault in what I say!

So in my many talks with people, I find that I have screwed up, and this can mean almost a constant, but not always, conflict going on somewhere, BECAUSE OF MY LOOSE TONGUE. Pray for me in this! I am weak! Now, when my tongue gets me in trouble, what do I do? Do I sit, do I mope around, do I wail that I am such a sinner and there’s no hope for me? NO!!!!

I am a struggling sinner, yes, BUT my LORD has called me on to teleiosity. When I screw up, and when I am in conflict, I find out about it! It could be three weeks later, it could be the same hour, it could be a year later, but somehow I find out that I am not right relationally with someone. I came to a point this month, where I just sat back, amazed at the people (yes plural) with whom my relationship was not right. I also came to the realization that I am going to be here on earth for the next 60 or so years (God-willing). I am going to be in conflict with people during the majority of that time! This is not a pleasant thought to have at any time in life, but coming across it at 18 is not especially something I was fond of. What to do? I just DON’T like the idea of having to deal with my humanity and the humanity of others around me for that long!

God spoke to me here, about this. Remember I am called to teleiosity? What is correction, what is conflict, what are trials and temptations but opportunities to grow? To become more mature, this is my end point; this is the goal I am striving for. So, as conflicts arise, those verses in James 1 that I memorized so long ago came to mind:

Count it all joy my brothers, as you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Mature. Complete. Not lacking anything. Ring any bells? God’s calling me onward, forward, through trials and temptations that I may persevere. Later, James continues, “Blessed is the man who perseveres, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.” Pray for me!! Pray for perseverance! My tongue is loose, and I am young a foolish!

So, when someone challenges me, when someone points out sin, may I never be disheartened. May I be challenged, may I see it as an opportunity to grow into teleiosity. Into maturity, completeness, wholeness.

Phil 3:7-14:
But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ-the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

This is Paul’s journey towards teleiosity. Notice, how in verse 12 he says he has not obtained this, or become perfect (teleios). Then he continues to say that he “press[es] on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.” Christ came and took hold of me for teleiosity! Should I not press on toward it? Strive for it? Pray for it? Yearn for it? STRAIN for it?

This is the walk I am called to. And yet my tongue is oh so comfortable responding quickly. I say things that even MAY BE TRUTH, but at the wrong time. I am too eager to speak, to even “help” sometimes. For those of you who know me, you know this to be true.

Following Jesus is not easy. I’m not sure where I got this idea, but for some reason, when times get rough, I wonder if I’m doing it right. Cause obviously things should be all nice and good when I’m following him right? That’s why we have the Bible right? So that we can live the happiest life possible! *sigh*, if only that were so.

I find instead at the end of Luke 14, Jesus is walking with large crowds following him, and he turns to them and gives it to ‘em straight. (by the way, this is the DEV [Daniel edited version])
“Don’t you guys know it’s hard to follow me?? This isn’t something you JUST DO. This is rough! This is real! To be my disciple, you MUST hate your father, your mother, your bro! Your beautiful little sister! You must hate your wife and children! Does that sound like fun??

“This is something that requires planning! This requires THINKING AHEAD. If you are going to build a tower, aren’t you going to plan ahead?? Aren’t you going to consider whether or not you’ll have enough money to pay the workers? To buy the materials? To actually FINISH what you started?

“What about if a king decides to go to war, don’t you think he’ll CONSIDER if he can win or not? Don’t you think he’ll plan to see if he can still win against a king with 20,000 troops when he only has 10,000? And if he cannot, won’t he send out a delegation pleading for peace?”

Following Jesus is not something that is JUST DONE. It’s hard. It’s work. It REQUIRES planning ahead. There is that far overused saying, “If you aim at nothing, that’s exactly what you’ll hit.” The reason it’s overused is because it is TRUE. So when God puts people in my life that correct me, what do I do with that correction? Do I sit on it and promise myself I’ll do better? NO! I plan! I pray! I ask others for help! I STRIVE, STRAIN, YEARN, for teleiosity.

Guys, I’m prideful, am the king of loose tongues, judgmental. Why post this for the world to see? Read 2nd Corinthians 12:7-10 as my answer. I can’t emphasize this enough, PLEASE pray for me. I am broken, sinful, and joyful. I am called to Teleiosity.

(by the way, I’ve started an email concerning this blog that you can reach me at, and I will actually reply to you! I have never responded to comments because I’m not sure if people would actually check back to see if I replied. The email address is theforeignalbanian@yahoo.com. Original huh?)

in Faith, Hope, and Love
-The Foreign Albanian

Whuzzup @ Fox?

2008-10-29T11:37:00.003-06:00

Ah, another blog-post, another step, another section of this journey complete. I sit and write today for several reasons: 1) there’s a story to be told, and what good are stories unless they are told and learned from? 2) I love blogging! You may ask the people that I am closest to here on campus (or at least my roommate) and they will tell of instances over the past week or so where I have muttered (slightly exasperated), “ohhh, I’ve gotta blog….”

After one such instance my roommate did ask, “Don’t you find blogging peaceful??” I replied that in fact I did, and it was super restful, but the time required to sit and write was time taken away from other, more regular activities and thus the thought of blogging added stress to my life, but now onto reason 3) it is when God sets aside time in my day, and there are a series of events that culminate up to this post that God has led me through.

So, time aside, mentally prepared, story ready, shall I begin?

The best way to describe this post is as an answer to an email I received yesterday:

“I would love to hear how God is using you and what you are learning on campus.”

Let me begin by saying that Isaiah 55:8 has come to mind far to often at my time here at George Fox University as I find that God’s plans differ so much from my own. The two things that email asked of are the two things that completely encompass my life right now. Learning, of school things of course, but mainly of God’s word in a daily manner has been such a blessing to me. To be planted the stream of living water and sink my roots into the Word speaks of God’s grace to me.

It is interesting though, because the main way that God is using me here on campus is speaking with people. Meeting with them one on one and talking. I take walks around campus sometimes at night. The walks used to be much more regular but now have dwindled down to maybe twice a week. I take these walks to pray, and to think, but more often now, to talk to people.

The guys on my floor know that I take these walks, and they all have an invitation to join me whatever night they want to. Personally I have been so blessed, to have guys come and ask to go on a walk, or even, I had someone on my floor several weeks ago, come and ask if I would fast with him the next day! I was caught off-guard by this request but blessed immensely because of it! We went and walked around campus together discussing this fast, and at the end of the walk agreed to do it.

The next day may have been one of the best days on campus I have ever had. Every time that either of us would normally be at the commons eating, we went out into the woods to pray. What a day!! The entire day was spent in and out of classes, but centered on prayer! We ended during dinner-time with worship out in the woods.

I cannot walk around campus any longer without having certain spots jump out at me. So many places hold memories of conversations that God truly blessed. But many “one-on-one’s” do not happen I have found without personal cost, and I have finally reached the point of my post—this story….

About a week and a half ago, I had spent my entire day among Americans (like I do every day) but this was slightly different. It was a Sunday and so the day began by going to church, from there, hanging out with friends afterwards, going to lunch together, ect.

Right after lunch, a group of us departed from George Fox to attend a birthday party being held for two friends. That afternoon was spent eating pizza, drinking chocolate milk, playing Frisbee and taking ridiculous pictures—a fun time all around. Then we came back to Fox late afternoon/early evening. A little homework here, a little homework there, hanging out with friends, and 10 o’clock rolled around. The four of us that had not eaten dinner being full from birthday party pizza made a trip out to taco bell and returned to grab blankets and head out to a stargazing spot to top off our day.

The conversation was enjoyable, as was the company but something started to happen in me and I began to withdraw. It was simply, “America.” As I explained later, I “OD”ed on America that day and started a mental shutdown with the people around me. Now, it was not so much the topics of conversation or anything like that as it was just CULTURE.

Hand gestures, facial expressions, jokes, activities, etc. all came together and made me just want to pull myself away from all this “Americanism.”

That event sparked the most “mk” (missionary kid) week that I’ve ever had. I described it to people close to me as an “mk funk.” I was just not at rest during that week. I was out of place, missing home, living in America, but still daily having conversations with people, and let me tell you, not a SINGLE day goes by that I don’t see God work in somebody’s life, or have a meaningful conversation with them. This past week was amazingly blessed in that regard even though I was experiencing this “mk funk.”

It was truly a strange feeling to be doing so well in Christ, but to be just aching because of school and situation. No matter what though, I could not ignore the fact that God was working.

Two nights ago, I had just finished a Bible study with three of my friends (including my roommate) and was sitting back in my room when I realized I needed to have a conversation with someone. I turned to my roommate to explain what was going on and I couldn’t. I couldn’t tell him because it involved another person. It wasn’t his business and I didn’t have permission to talk to him about it! I could not talk about something with the person that I am transparent with!!!

This made me very very mad. I was disgusted with God because it wasn’t just that I couldn’t be transparent with my roommate, but it brought up feelings I’ve had for years about being the pastoral calling. I’ve remember saying to my parents and people around me for along time that I’d never be a pastor. It sounds like a harsh thing to say, but I sure was adamant about it.

I grew up with a pastor for a dad. A man that I respect and love from the deepest part of my heart. I had seen what being a pastor is like, and I didn’t like it! The reason that not being able to talk to my roommate about something brought up all those negative feelings about a pastoral calling was because I remember asking my dad if he could talk to my mom about everything. He said no, because the things people brought to him weren’t necessarily her business and he didn’t have permission to tell her. Sometimes he’d ask if he could talk to my mom about it, but there were instances where he couldn’t share with her.

That in itself made me disgusted. The thing that I am most excited about, and looking forward to in marriage is being able to talk about ANYTHING with the woman that I love. And there’s my dad, having to keep certain things to himself. I realized over time that the thing about being a pastor that was at the source of why I didn’t want to be a pastor was people and their problems. The things that I’ve seen, and known that my dad has carried with people, (just like pastors do) just made me disgusted.

And I realized that two nights ago, that was exactly what was happening with me. I was talking to people all the time and SHARING (there’s a reason we use that word to describe when people talk about their problems) in their hurt and pain. God was using me in the very thing that I shied away from most. Oh boy did that set me off.

“Why do you want to use me like that God?? Get somebody else to listen to these people and be there for them, I DON’T WANT TO! Isn’t it enough that you ask me to be burdened with my own total depravity, let alone share in other men’s!! Lord! I am SELFISH! Don’t you get it! I DON’T WANT TO DO THIS!”

I have found that the points that I am most down, most depressed, are also directly related to when I am most selfish. I am not happy with the day the Lord God has placed in front of me. I don’t like it. I don’t like the paper I’ve been assigned to write. I am SELF-FOCUSED.

To conclude this story of the past week and a half, this morning I attended a Bible study that starts at 6 am (yeah, I know, you’re REALLY Christian when you go to those things!).

The Lord God spoke to me through it about calling, and my selfishness. Living for ME is a terrible and hard thing to do. As soon as I come to that place where all is for Jesus, then life just starts to be filled with an everlasting sense of joy!

I’m not living for me! I’m living for him! If I was living for me I wouldn’t be here! That’s for sure! So, since I’m not living for me, what does it matter what I do? Does it matter whether or not I derive pleasure from what God’s called me to do? No it doesn’t! But the amazing thing is, that once I’ve reached this place of complete acceptance that I don’t live for me, I LOVE doing what he’s called me to do! I can’t imagine doing anything more fun!

Remember my complaint to God? Something I said was, “Isn’t it enough that you ask me to be burdened with my own total depravity, let alone share in other men’s!!” If I am living in a state of selfishness, then yes, that is too much to bear. But if I am living for Jesus, it matters not! I give my own depravity over to him and resign others to him as well! It’s not my life, it’s his! So why carry burdens that aren’t mine to carry?

It is so amazing, guys, to see God work. I sit and I have a front row seat DAILY to God’s amazing work. To sit across from so many people, or like the other night be looking up at the stars with one and see God move in their hearts!! To become more real with them, to draw them ever nearer to himself! How can I NOT love watching that?!?!

So here I am, at George Fox University, learning more of Jesus daily, and watching him work. Can life get any better?

Learning and Loving
-The Foreign Albanian

The Power of God to Save Believers

2008-10-03T10:55:00.003-05:00

Recently I heard someone speak on “the Gospel”, or at least that’s how their topic was introduced. This speaker ended up talking about their failed evangelism attempts, and the question, “What does your religion really do for you?” seemed to be the thesis, or the point this person wanted to drive home. In all honesty, I was angry, judgmental, and hurt. I had to take a walk afterwards pleading with God to discipline me and my heart. I sat down with my Bible under a wonderfully large tree on my dorm’s lawn to meditate on why I was mad. What was it about this sermon that drove me crazy?
Delving into my dark, judgmental and seething heart (which I really had to repent of by the way! It was entirely me in the wrong, NOT the speaker), I found that what bothered me the most was that the Gospel is so much more to me than what was presented. There were maybe 500 to 700 people sitting with me and I felt that a HUGE opportunity was missed in discussing the true meaning of the Gospel! From that, I began to ask myself what is the Gospel to me? What do I say it is, but more importantly—what do I treat it like?
I feel like I am approaching a topic that men much more intelligent and researched that me have discussed and considered for centuries. But none of those men can tell me what the Gospel meant to me today. Now that I think about it, what did the Gospel meant to today? That’s a tough question to ask myself, one that I am afraid to answer. I think the gap between my belief and my faith will always scare me because I begin to see what I truly believe.

Moving on though, the Bible says several things about this “Gospel”. Romans 1:15-18 is one of my favorite passages in the Bible. It says,

“I am obligated to both Greeks and non-Greeks, both to the wise and the foolish. That is why I am so eager to preach the Gospel to you who are in Rome. I am not ashamed of the gospel because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile. For in the gospel a righteousness from God is revealed, a righteousness that is from faith to faith, just as it is written: ‘The righteous will live by faith.’”

Paul says that he is not ashamed of the gospel because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes. Now the question is, why is the gospel that way? Saving believers? I thought believers were already saved! Right? Doesn’t the Bible say that whoever believes in their heart and confesses with their tongue will be saved? Yes it does say that, in (john?) actually. But notice how believing just by itself is not enough. James says, “you believe there is one God? Good—even the demons believe that, and shudder.” Just believing in God has never, nor will it ever be enough. Demons were the first people in Jesus ministry that would recognize him immediately as the “Holy One of God.” Falling to their knees they would beg for mercy from the Son of God while people watched. But somehow I don’t think they are going to heaven for believing Jesus is the Son of God.
That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. Romans 10:9

Paul continues on by saying the gospel is that power because in it a righteousness from God is revealed. That’s amazing that God can reveal his righteousness in such a way. I think the reason that people can either fall in love with the Gospel, or really don’t like it is because of the righteousness from God that is revealed.

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For in the light of that righteousness they, ha, I see my own fallenness. How is it that I respond to that light? Do I use it to work out my salvation with fear and trembling? How is it that the Gospel saves me on a day to day basis?

You know, that just hit me in a completely different way. Martin Luther hated the verse that says, “For in the Gospel a righteousness from God is revealed…” He really didn’t like it because it showed this righteousness that was unattainable for him. I actually don’t remember how he became reconciled to the verse, and of course he did, but the point that I’m trying to make is that, there is more!

What is it that is saving me every day? It’s Jesus’ love. His relationship. That’s is revealed in the gospel. In my post “The Christcentric Gospel, the Christcentric life” I wrote this

“The entire Law groans waiting for the Christ to come to fulfill the Law, and then, finally in the New Testament, HE CAME! He was here! He died! The pure, holy, precious blood of the perfect lamb was spilled to remove our sins from us an make us righteous before our Lord. The rest of the New Testament is responding to his coming, his ministry, his life, but mainly, his sacrifice for all of us on the Cross and also looking forward to his coming again!”

Could it be that this righteousness that is revealed in the Gospel from faith to faith is Christ himself? “God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God,” says 2nd Corinthians 5:21. This righteousness that is revealed cannot be separated from Jesus Christ!

I don’t know how many of you realized it, but the majority of my recent posts have been centered around Christ. At the beginning of the summer, or the end of the school year, depending on how you look at it, God gave me a passion for Jesus, and getting to know him. So I have been! Listening to sermon after sermon on him, reading book after book, and gospel after gospel, hence coming to the conclusion that, I love that guy! But it’s interesting because in my mind I’ve always known that it’s about relationship but I have been looking into the scriptures to glean wisdom from them or something, but last week changed all that!

Monday morning I picked up The Shack—a story that has affected me more than almost any other. The story is about a guy, Mack, whose daughter is murdered and God invites Mack up to the Shack where they think it happened for a weekend. So Mack goes to spend the weekend with God. It’s a gut-wrenching story, it made me want to cry, but it drew me out of my shell of simply studying the Bible. It’s about relationship!!

Continuing on with the story, I read until it was time for chapel, and being spiritual life week we had a special guest speaker, JD Walt. This guy has helped Chris Tomlin write songs like, “The wonderful Cross,” and, “Your Grace is enough.” He’s acted as the pastor backstage for the passion movement, praying over and giving communion to Crowder, Piper, Giglio, Tomlin, before they went on stage to minister to thousands. Anyways, his text was John 15. Which I don’t know how many of you know this, but that chapter, along with Psalm 1 and John 1 sum up my calling here at George Fox University. So when he got on stage and started talking about it, I began to see it in a totally different light. Not so much because of what he was saying, but because of this lens of deep intense relationship that the Shack had given me that morning. JD was going to do another service that evening, which I attended as well. In it he continued on discussing John 15. I talked to him afterwards about it and it was really good to talk to someone who has been profoundly changed by that chapter. The next night he did another service which really hit some things home for me (oh and talked about Psalm 1 as well!). Several things he said about the Gospel were RIGHT on.

“We read the Bible for relationship, not for results.”
“Not to be a master of the text but to me mastered by the text.”
“We don’t want to extract from the word, but be immersed in it.”
“The Bible is not a gold mine, but gold itself.”

Either that night or the next night, I needed to give The Shack back, so I took it out for an hour and a half, maybe two, to finish it. I ended that night so deeply in love with Jesus. I was basking in this relationship that he desired for me, and it was awesome. I was so filled with love! I remember walking down the hallway after midnight and I saw a guy, and boy, I LOVED HIM. I was so excited to see him!! It was awesome! I walked into our room and my roommate looked at me. I didn’t say a word to him, but he says, “You look like a little schoolgirl that just got asked out on a date or something by a boy she likes!” We laughed over that, but in all honesty, it felt that way!

Half of this blog I wrote several weeks ago (there’s a divider in the middle), and the other half between late night and morning. So lets reread those verses from Romans. This time though, read them through the lens of Jesus coming and dying for relationship with you. Giving it all for that love he invites you into. See if it reads any differently.

“I am obligated to both Greeks and non-Greeks, both to the wise and the foolish. That is why I am so eager to preach the Gospel to you who are in Rome. I am not ashamed of the gospel because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile. For in the gospel a righteousness from God is revealed, a righteousness that is from faith to faith, just as it is written: ‘The righteous will live by faith.’”

This righteousness isn’t something that makes me shake but rather gives me hope.

There is so much more to write about the gospel, but I feel I must end here for now, and there are always more blog posts to be written! Thanks for joining me in this journey of love and relationship through the Word.

Filled with Love,
The Foreign Albanian

A Piece on Peace

2008-08-27T00:04:00.003-05:00

Ok, so there are two reasons for writing this post. First, it is near the end of the month so I feel slightly justified, but the real end of the month will most likely be so hectic I won't have time for blogging; second I have had thoughts on, about, and of peace the past few days and hope that writing them out will bring some sort of conclusions to a series of observations that I have been making. In the end, this post may end up simply that, a series of observations about peace that don't come to a defining end point.

Why peace? Well, this whole peace deal began from several verses in James that I memorized. The verses talk of "...wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace‑loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere." Now, that verse is full of wonderful jewels of the faith, but what caught my attention that wisdom from God is FIRST pure, THEN peace-loving. I makes total sense why wisdom is first pure, but the "then peace-loving" caught me off-guard. First thought was, "What does peace have to do with wisdom?" And although I have to admit that initial thought still remains, but I have seen multiple connections between the two (wisdom and peace that is).

But what I keep coming back to is the fact that peace can mean so many things. Peace, as in the opposite of war. Inner peace, just a deep sense of security in the Lord. Peace, as in peace and quiet?

So at this point in time, I decide to turn to the Bible to sharpen my definition of peace. Paul opens and closes numerous letters with "Grace and peace to you," or something along those lines. Which is interesting to me, because if there are two things that I want in my day, they are grace and peace. The absolute ultimate day for me is filled with Grace from God, and there is a deep sense of peace in my heart. I find that the source of that peace is when I am placing all hope and all trust in Jesus, and God.

This whole focus on peace actually ties directly into the fact that in 12 hours or so I will be moving into George Fox University. I have felt a little anxious about it, and stil do when in my mind I am relying on myself during University, but then reality kicks in that it's all Jesus and this deep sense of peace flows over me.

But back to the verses, remember that verse in James about Wisdom from Heaven? Well the very next verse is, "Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness." Once again, the connection between that and wisdom seems a little out there, but when I really start thinking about it, the verse touches me.

If wisdom is pure (righteous), then peaceloving, there has to be a connection between the two. I turn to the person who is the peacemaker, the one who talks to me and I began to feel a deep sense of peace and my trust in Jesus increases, or has new life just by talking to them. The people that love peace like Jesus loved peace. And when we humans are at peace, we have a chance to get deeper into the Father, to grow in him, to become more like him--righteous, and pure.

The other peace verse that I have been reading recently is in John 14. It says, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." Which is interesting because he seems to be separating two "peaces". First, he leaves peace with them, and then second he says "my peace I give to you." So he's leaving just regular peace with them, and then GIVES them HIS peace. Which is awesome, but then the next part throws the whole verse up in the air for a sec. but "I do not give to you as the world gives."

Whaa? So when that really hit me, I sat and I thought, "How does the world give?" I came to several conclusions but here's the main one. The world gives very simply--"Here you go, it's yours." So, God doesn't give like that? It's funny because the more scripture I read, the more I see that God does not operate on our playing field. He has his own methods, reality, and process. And then when he is gracious enough to show us what he's doing, we can be like, "Are you crazy? Don't you know that the world doesn't work like that?" And he's like, "Your world may not, but MY world does." And then we try it and find out that our world is his world really, but we just don't always see it that way.

Anyways, back to peace. So God doesn't give this peace as the world gives, so how does he do it? I remember a line from "Evan Almighty". The mom prays to God that he would bring their family closer or something. And later on in the movie, God is talking to her (she doesn't know it's God) and he says something along the lines of, "When somebody asks God for (let's use joy as an example) joy, do you think he gives them joy? Or could it be that he gives them opportunities to be joyful?"

I thought that was wonderful, and true! So as I wrap this up, I am thinking how I am supposed to be a peacemaker, and a peace-lover. And what opportunities will God give me to be those? Notice though how at the end of that verse after the peace thing in John 14, he says, "Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." Which is almost an echo of the first verse of John 14, which says. "“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me." Peace and trust in God are inextricably linked.

As I go to college tomorrow, I am trusting and therefore am at peace. God is good.

The Foreign Albanian

The Christcentric Gospel, the Christcentric Life

2008-08-05T16:13:00.004-05:00

As far as I know, Christcentric is not a word. But even as you read it you already know what it means. I've done online searches, looked in dictionaries, even on YouTube.com for this word, and only two things have come up. First, Christcentric seems to be a hip-hop/rap group that I suppose has a Christ centered message. The second fruit of my search was a word very close to Christcentric, it is Christocentric and according to dictionary.com, Christocentric is, "having as the theological focal point the teachings and practices of Jesus Christ. "

That definition, if you break it down I guess could mean Christcentric, but Christcentric has much more meaning to me personally than having the teachings and practices of Jesus Christ as the focal point for my theology. Of course that is a HUGE part of it, but most certainly not all of it.

To me, the entire Gospel is Christcentric, and when I say Gospel, I am not talking about the first four books of the New Testament, but rather all 39 books of the Old Testament and 27 books of the New Testament are all about Christ!

The Old testament, with the law and the prophets and the priests, it all moans and looks forward to the coming of the Messiah. The sacrifices of sheep and goats and their blood being spilled yearly for the sins of people cry out for the real way for sins to be taken away. The entire Law groans waiting for the Christ to come to fulfil the Law, and then, finally in the New Testament, HE CAME! He was here! He died! The pure, holy, precious blood of the perfect lamb was spilled to remove our sins from us an make us righteous before our Lord. The rest of the New Testament is responding to his coming, his ministry, his life, but mainly, his sacrifice for all of us on the Cross and also looking forward to his coming again!

Our Holy Scriptures are Christcentric! I love that they are!

Now, that may have seemed very random, but for me the past few days don't make it so. I have been missing my dear church, Nxenesit e Jezusit, very much. I wont' go into why, or what specifically, but I feel rather like a doofus sitting over here in America when it seems like to me the Promised Land is over there! I'm called to Albania, I know that! But for now I'm called to wander around the desert for forty years, *cough* uh pardon me, I mean George Fox for four years.

It's hard to leave a place where you feel God is moving, and you can see what he's doing, to a place where there's no action! FUN is the most used word of the day. Lets go do that cause it's "fun". Here's a homework assignement, go to blueletterbible.com and do a search for the word "fun". See how many times in our Christcentric Gospel it is used as we use it today. I don't have anything against fun! Don't get me wrong! What I have a problem with is when "lets go have fun" replaces altogether, "Let's pray together; Let's study the scriptures together; Let us worship together." So we do those spiritual things on Sunday, and then Mon.-Sat. FUN rules. Well actually that's not true, I got to a Bible study on Wednesdays, and youthgroup on Fridays....

*sigh*
My point is that I am sick of this. I am tired of talking to people who are satisfied with where they are in their faith, and don't want any more. I am tired of getting my second cold this summer. I am tired of burning myself while making ramen noodles, but I'm not living for me. I am not living for Daniel Golder, I am a redeemed young man trying to live for Christ. And so I throw aside my complaints and I focus on my relationship with Jesus. I learn to love him more, to live in him more, to be more Christcentric.

Since I have been missing Nxenesit so much I have been focusing on God's calling for me at GFU--to be Christcentric. To abide in the Word. I have been praying more and more recently because I've found that reading and studying without prayer is just science and not relationship. And I have been listening for what it is that God would have me do at college. This old quote on how to pray for revival keeps coming to mind, "Drop down to your knees and draw a circle around youself, then pray until revival comes inside that circle."

Ok, it's time to play the imagination game. Pretend that at George Fox University, there is an average, everyday student and he prays constantly for revival in himself and his roommate. Then revival hits, and both roommates become on fire and alive in Christ. Now here is where the real imagination part comes in, what could God do on a campus of 3000 with two guys who are completely sold-out to Jesus?

The whole point of this post is actually a prayer request. Pray for me, and pray for my roommate, Seth, that we would be completely Christcentric. That together we would live the Christcentric life based on the Christcentric Gospel. That we would do nothing that is not in the Father's will. That every moment of every day would be spent honoring and glorifying God.

Now, this doesn't have to be a commitment thing, it can be a one time prayer, or it can be a daily practice that you pray every morning on the freeway to work, or walking to school. I'm kind of like the guy at the intersection holding the sign that says, "anything helps." I know a lot of you are already praying for me and thankyou so much for that! A cool quote to go along with my prayer request is this, "Action without prayer is arrogance, and prayer without action is hypocrisy."

Join with me in spending some serious time on our knees petitioning God relentlessly for revival in two wet behind the ears, green, naive, college freshmen.
Blessings...
The Foreign Albanian

Living Jesus

2008-07-09T10:31:00.004-05:00

When I sit down to write this I feel like I have a knot of thoughts all tangled up in a mess that I need to take the time to stretch out into a straighten out. I'm not sure where to begin, or where it'll end, but attending a Bible study this morning on Hebrews got me thinking about this Jesus guy some more.
I've always seen Hebrews as an exposition of the person of Jesus. That is not something I've deeply looked into, but as I've been reading it for the past two weeks or so, the beginning chapters are devoted to describing who he is, and his position in our reality. How he is greater than the angels, exalted as the Son of God. In chapter three, Hebrews talks about how Jesus is greater than Moses.
Currently I'm going through the first four books of the New Testament to go deeper and deeper with Jesus and watch him, and go through the crucifixion again, the last supper again, the miracles again, his prayers again--over and over to know his heart better, know him better. Is it not fitting to go through Hebrews as well?
Now, our lives reflect who our God is to us right? If God takes up .5% of my mental time then I would assume that God really isn't that much of a central figure in my life, let alone the whole purpose for it!
This morning, during worship, I was considering the idea of a reflection. If you look in the mirror, you see yourself, and it's a very very accurate depiction of yourself isn't it? Or for instance when you watch tv, you can see an extremely accurate portrayal of whatever was filmed (except with special computer effects these days, but you understand my meaning).
I guess, I had always considered my acts of worship (reflecting Jesus Christ) almost as a two dimensional attempt only. That I would simply mirror him. So, here's a question, which is more breath-taking, to see Niagara Falls on tv, or to go up there in person and see the tons of water pour over the side, and hear the roar of raw power? The falls are 3D! They are real! You can comprehend them so much more because it's real, right there in front of you, not a representation by a mirror, or pixels on a screen. Reflections only go so far. They are limited.
So, I cease to merely "reflect" my Jesus, and strive to make it more of a reality, how does that work? I've been asking myself, how have I been Jesus to this family I live with (the Stanleys)? How have I been "reflecting" Jesus? In daily life? With friends? Jesus lives in me! How is it that every action of mine isn't with the purpose of glorifying God?

*sigh* I don't feel like I am untangling this knot very well. Lets get some verses out there then--

2nd Corinthians 4:10-11 says,
"We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body."

We pray to be used by God, for Jesus to live through us. For Jesus to dictate our actions, for the Holy Spirit to control our minds. To be Jesus to those around us. This is so much more than a mere "reflection". This is JESUS in ME.

The thing hindering this whole process is Phil. 2:21, "For everyone looks out for his own interests, not those of Jesus Christ."

If we as Christians could just get past that! If we could sync our wills perfectly with the passions and interests of Jesus Christ, wouldn't that be a life worth living? Not only is this something that should be done, it is a calling--

1 John 2:6, "Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did."

Col. 3:17, "And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."

You know, my favorite definition of truly living is one that Paul uses in Philippians.

Phil 1:21, "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." My prayer is that living, for me, would be Christ. That he would be the very definition of my life.

I think I'll end this rant with one last verse and final thought--

Phil. 3:8, "What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ"

Here in America, distractions are many, and not far in between. Pray for me that I would "consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord" And that all the things of this world I would consider rubbish so that I could truly gain Christ and live, not a Christ-like life, but truly a Christ life.

Loving Jesus

2008-06-29T16:22:00.005-05:00

I have come to the decision to continue, in a similar form but slightly different, to continue with the lessons learned during the month on this blog, but with a more direct focus: Jesus.
As you know, I have embarked upon a year of prayer to know Jesus' heart for this American generation. Loving Jesus more, knowing Him more, and knowing His heart.
Several days ago, I was talking with a friend and I asked, "So what have you been thinking about lately?" She replied that she had been pondering how selfish everyone is. She continued talking about how many things she did for herself, and how many actions done by us all are self focused. In all honesty it didn't hit me at the time, but a few days ago is when I made a connection between it and this fantastic lesson of Love that Jesus has been showing me. (prepare for rabbit trail all for the point of eventually coming back to this!!)

Before leaving Albania, I remember making the point very strongly to a friend, about loving Jesus more than anything. More than any thing, person, place, that this world has to offer. That if loving Jesus was truly the center of our lives then out priorities would really be straightened out! On the plane coming over, I made sure that I truly understood this point, and that Jesus is far more important than, Albania, family, friends, etc. And that loving him above all, is what I was created for. Things of this world, friends, family, albania, they can (and were almost) be taken completely away. And if our entire consciousness and purpose is built around the things of this world, then we are in some serious trouble! So then if Jesus is more loved than all that, and is truly our focus, then when everything we hold dear is taken from us, we're okay! What more do we need than Jesus??

So coming to this land of distractions--cable tv, ridiculously fast internet, xbox, gamecube, computer games, Mountain Dew, the latest movie out in theaters, etc, I have been constantly reminding myself to LOVE Jesus more than all that. And one way to measure what your priorities are is to see what takes up your time, both physical, and mental. So if I play two hours of xbox, two hours of computer games, an hour of facebook, and then three hours with friends, and 20 min praying and reading my Bible, never to think of it again during the day, what would you say I love most? Which am I glorifying most? The amazing technology and ingenuity of computer graphics, or the living, inspired Word of God?

Now to bring this rabbit trail back into the point I was going to make about selfishness:
It's not so much that I love xbox more than the Bible, or computer games, or the internet, but I do seem to love ME and MY pleasure. Now then, imagine if Paul had his way, and his pleasures instead of being a slave to Christ. That's the thing about being a slave is that it doesn't matter what I feel like! I am here to serve! To die for Him, but more importantly, to LIVE for him. To be a LIVING sacrifice, sacrificing my desires, my wants, all for him.

So, it's true, I need to love Jesus more than anything that this world has to offer, but most importantly I need to love Him more than I love myself. Ha, that was sooo easy to type. I wish it was that easy to live out!
So far, this post seems to be more negative and makes it sound like pulling teeth to Love Jesus more than anything in this world, and I admit, it is hard, but far far more glorious and wonderful than anything else. I was out for a walk in a nearby park a week or more ago, and just walking and thinking about Jesus, his incredible love for me, and my love for him. How he takes up my thinking time, his sweet words filling my ears, and I was so grateful to be a part of this love. That he is truly my love. I am so blessed to be a part of this divine romance (isn't that a book title?). He is closer than any friend will every be, loves me more than any wife will, and knows me more deeply than I know myself.

I am still looking for a job. I have applied to exactly 18 places for work. And I have received noncommittal job offers from several. But you know what? It's okay! I was in church last week, and I was in the middle of worship. In my mind's eye, I saw Jesus on the cross, I saw his wounds, I witnessed the darkness, and anguish coursed though me. He said to me, "Daniel, I love you this much. If I have done this for you, how would I ever not take care of you in this foreign place?" I don't know why I don't have a job yet, but I've done all I can and the rest is up to God. And if Jesus is never, ever, going to forsake me, how on earth could I do anything similar to him?

"...fix your thoughts on Jesus, the apostle and high priest whom we confess." -Hebrews 3:1b

The First Week

2008-06-16T19:46:00.004-05:00

It's interesting that sometimes God allows us to go through hard times to teach us something about life, or a lesson we could not learn any other way, and other times he knows a rough time is ahead or we are going through one and showers us with his Grace. My situation during the past week has most certainly been the latter.

When I got off the plane, I was not doing very well, but I was somewhat excited that my trip was over and I was looking forward to seeing the Stanleys a lot! So I walked out to the greeting area and there were hugs all around. It was a bittersweet moment in that, I was so excited for my future, but also that America is my future was hard to deal with. We walked to the suburban which I crawled into the BACK SEAT and FIT. Kind of an amazing sensation, but anyways, we drove to Taco Bell for lunch, and wow. It was great to sit with the Stanleys, but there was so much of AMERICA around me, I felt like I was sinking into a black hole or something. My mind was fighting the fact that I was there and almost like I was struggling to keep my head above water and keep breathing.
I can't place my finger exactly what was the source of my problem (maybe I could if I really tried, but not an endeavor I will take up right now) but I was feeling overwhelmed a little by the whole idea of trying to make this strange place home. On the way home from Taco Bell, Sheri's cell phone rang and it was my mom!! So I got to talk to my mom and dad quickly and that was nice to have that connection with Albania so soon after I had landed and that almost gave me a little bit of an energy boost to continue on with the rest of the day. I also determined that I was going to stay up until 10 pm that first night so that I would get over Jet lag faster. And I did, I even managed to stay up a little later than 10 before I crashed and that was good.

So that first day was hard, and I was struggling on the inside. I'm not sure how much of it was apparent, if I seemed moody, or difficult, I don't know, but mentally those first 10 hours were extremely hard, but then the next morning, is when I gave it all to God!

Now when I say I gave it all to God, I mean that I really realized that I am not living for myself. Currently I'm am going through the gospels and I'll explain why in a minute but the verse that I came across that morning was this, "If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give it up for me, you will find it," Matt. 10:39. And it struck me that I am not living this life here on earth to please Daniel, or to make Daniel feel good or any one of those things (although it is not uncommon to slip into that!) but rather I am living for something else, or really someONE else. And so how much does it really matter to the servant whether he is out in the stables or in the kitchen right? If his one and only passion is to serve the master he finds joy wherever his master sends him.

God's grace this past week has abounded in so many ways. My New Year's resolution this year has been (and will continue to be) love. Loving Americans, and more importantly, loving Jesus. I believe I've already blogged about how I am embarking on this year of prayer for the American youth, but specifically knowing Jesus' heart of love for them. So I have been going through the gospels, growing to love Jesus more and more. Loving him more than any family member, or more than any friend, or any activity or place, and just putting him at the place in my life that he ought to be has been a huge blessing this past week.

Getting excited morning by morning to dig back into the gospels to see what else this Jesus guy has done. Learning more and more about his heart. Notice how (in Matthew at least) he's big on teaching about the kingdom of heaven? I don't know if I have (probably but I just don't remember) hearing sermons on the kingdom of heaven, but Matthew is loaded with Jesus teaching on it! "Why so much emphasis on the Kingdom of heaven Lord?"
"Keep reading Daniel, ABIDE in my Word."

God's biggest blessing for me this past week is that he placed a passion for his Word in my heart right at the beginning. I love these times in life where you can't wait to read the Bible, and your day doesn't seem complete without it! If this time in America was a dry period in my faith it would make things 100x harder, but GOD IS GOOD. He knows where I am weak, (america being one of those points) and a part of 2nd Corinthians 12:9 says, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

This week has been fantastic. God-filled. Blessed. Why? Because in my utter and complete weakness of this other culture, God is coming through with his grace, and where I am weak he is showing how truly perfect his power is and how it can accomplish wonders (like giving me a passion for the Bible during one of the hardest weeks of my life, and hence making it most definitely NOT one of the hardest weeks of my life!).

So guys, thank you so much for praying, cause God is answering prayer!
Tungjatjeta!

The Trip

2008-06-09T12:59:00.005-05:00

"Daniel, c'mon wake up. It's time to go bud."
My dad's voice broke through whatever light and uncomfortable slumber that I was in. I got up exhausted. 3 or 4 hours of sleep right before a big trip is not necessarily a good thing, and this wasn't any trip either. This was THE trip. I went downstairs and did who knows what, just getting ready t0 leave the house. I stuck all my bags into the van and as my dad drove out of our yard I went back and gave my mom and sister a really long hug. Are there words at those moments that can express the feelings? The years of love built up would make any attempt at speaking nearly impossible, but God's grace is sufficient and just holding someone in your arms can communicate what ten thousand words can't. "You are special to me. I can name of 40 million times you have put me before yourself. I will pray for you...etc."
But it only takes 7 letters put together in the correct order to convey it all. I-L-O-V-E-Y-O-U. Those three words mean so much, and are so full of meaning. I can't count how many times I've said those very same words to people over the past 3 or 4 days. There are so many people that I love so deeply, I wonder why I ever left Albania? (ok ok so it's because I'm called right, but still if almost everything you love as far as people, church, God, is all already in one spot, why go anywhere right?)

But anyways, so fighting back tears, and choking up, I turned away from my home, walked out of the yard, and closed the door on one chapter in my life. Driving to the airport with my dad was mostly silence because yet again, what do you say? The english language, heck even the albanian language seems so inadequate, but yet again, right before going through passport control, the final hug from someone in albania, my dad, says enough in itself. Everything that is left unspoken is known, and received with love. Tearfully I turned my back to him and walked though. Once I got past I turned to look at my dad one last time at the far end of the room, waved one last time, and kept going to the waiting area.

There I sat, in the airport of my beloved country, alone with my suitcases. I got out my Bible, with the intent of seeing if I still had my, "We live by Faith and not by Sight" bookmark. Sure enough, it was in 1st Peter, but the very sight of that verse and all that it meant brought tears to my eyes and enormous amount of emotion welled up inside as I sat on Albanian ground, for the last time in who knows how long.

Trying pitifully not to cry I turned in my Bible back to the Old Testament hoping to find the 23rd Psalm and with the first flip of pages my eyes came to rest on it. I read it through outloud to myself, choking on verse after verse.

My eyes then fell on the 25th and after reading through it, more as a prayer than anything else, I began to intercede for those near and dear to me that I was leaving behind. It is a hard thing to do, pray for others when oneself is filled with a deep pain, but somehow it brings about a peace and a healing to one's afflicted soul. So I continued in intercession for all the people that I LOVE, in Albania, and the time began to pass.

Soon it was time to begin boarding the plane. I got out my boarding pass and looked at the seat number. It was row four! I got a little bit hopeful, cause what kind of idiot plane only has three rows of first class??

*sigh* well this one did, but I managed to get over my initial disappointment. What made this flight nice, was it was just over an hour long and didn't have a very high cruising altitude, so I got to watch Albania down below for a while and say one last goodbye to the mountains and valleys that I have called home for so long.

I landed in Vienna airport and looked at the flights on the tv thingy to see what the status of my flight was. Now I knew I only had a half hour to make the plane and I knew it was going to be tight, but when I got off that first plane and read the status of my next flight--boarding--that's when it hit me, RUN.

So I don't know about most of you, but I was told vienna airport is a smaller airport. I guess I landed in the wrong vienna then cause not that it was HUGE, but just small would never be the term I would use to describe it. So throwing all attempt at looking cool or being suave (something that I generally do in the airports, you know, you're all alone, nobody knows you, so somebody might actually think that you're cool or something!) I booked it pretty fast past all the stores and the gaming store....*sigh* that was the hard one to pass, but anyways I made my gate with time to spare! (ok, so when I say time to spare, all it means is they hadn't called my name over the loud speaker yet).

Now this flight was amazing. I was past (mentally right then) the whole leaving albania thing, and was focused on getting to america with my passport and everything else important as well. But this flight was nice because I was in a three seat row, and nobody else sat by me. So I got to stretch out (pfff, ok so stretch out it relative) and lie down (also relative), but the best part of all, was that I was just lying there and reading my Bible, and talking to God. Asking him, listening, and he spoke to me very clearly on something, and it was such a blessing. Just sitting in communion with Jesus for over an hour was a grace that I needed dearly. The time to sit and process, but with God, was very needed.

Then came the final flight out of Frankfurt to Portland. what to say? I um. It was hard. But it also was God filled. There was nobody sitting next to me yet again, and there were no movie screens (except for these cheesy tv things that folded out of the ceiling above the middle row ever like 10 rows or something). And so it was alone time again, to sit and pray. Talking to God. I'm not going to go into detail about all the things we discussed, but I encourage every single person who reads this, if you haven't spent 10 hours straight with your mind bent on Jesus in a while, do it. Whether it's praying, or worshiping, or reading your Bible (or all three...) spend the time with him. I could not have done anything better to prepare myself for these first few days than that.

That said, it didn't make things any easier when I saw Oregon coming out beneath the clouds. I started praying, "Oh God help me." Earnestly, I was seeking him, asking if he could somehow change his mind and send me back to Albania. As we got closer and closer to the ground, it became more real in my head what was actually happening, and tears filled my eyes, as I prayed, "Jesus save me." I don't know what I was expecting, maybe to wake up from a dream, or simply to be teleported back home, but all that was ringing through my head was, "Jesus save me."

Well, here I am. Sitting in the upstairs at the Stanley's house blogging. So the question is, did he? I think so. He saved me from what could have been a week of bitterness and anger, and judgementalism.

So that was my trip over here. Tomorrow, I am thinking about posting a recap of my week and all that God did during my first seven days in the United States of America.

Love you guys, and thankyou so many for praying for this trip, and this week!!!

Month 5

2008-05-29T08:30:00.007-05:00

"My heart is heavy as I write this. It shouldn't be, especially concerning the wonderful joys and lessons that I am about to share. Hmph. "shouldn't" What a terrible word. It means, that there is something so wrong with me that I seem to not be able to view life the correct way, and that any reason that I have for not seeing it the "right" way is groundless and stupid. But what to say, it's how I feel. It could be that I am leaving Albania behind, and who knows when I'll return...
It could be that my life on my own is about to truly begin and I am begging God for his mercy over it....
But both of those seem so small. "

That was what I wrote about 4-6 hours ago when I sat down the first time to write this. It's amazing the work God can do in one's heart if one simply listens to the everlasting Word and Rock.

It has been such a blessed journey for me these past 5 months. Writing, listening, living out what was taught. And as I finish off this particular endeavor of listening with my final three lessons, I begin along a new path as well. But first with the lessons.

"Be Holy for I am Holy." (1st Peter 1:15/16)
Are there words to describe it better than the verse itself? Be Pure, be righteous, be clean, for I [God] AM HOLY. This reflects back on last months lesson of worship. Who our God is defines our worship of him. Our reason for being Holy is not to bless others, to keep ourselves from sin, but rather it is simply because our God is Holy. But who walks around thinking, "Is this holy? Is that holy? Would my doing that as well be holy?" I attemptedthis with fascinating results. Beware of taking up this activity of asking whether or not something it truly Holy, pure, precious and upright in the sight of God, for you may lose some of your favorite activities/songs/games/television shows.....etc. God is Holy. It is who he is. Pure. Perfect.
I did some research on the Greek of this, and not being a scholar or graduate of seminary I may be wrong, but I believe what the original Greek says is, "Be Holy [pure/clean] for I am [pure/righteous and thus deserving of praise]."

Holy, Holy, Holy. Holy, Holy, Holy. We throw that word around like it weighed nothing more than a feather. I pray that I, and all those that I hold dear would be shown a revelation of God's holiness, of that defining characteristic of being so completely different from everything else, that our lives would change because of it. We would be living, responding in worship as living sacrifices. This seems abstract, and out there, but once the Holy (notice that word again) Spirit really moves in one's heart about it, then this lesson is no longer a concept or idea, but becomes a life-changing challenge.

Of course, this Holiness leads straight into this next lesson. Which is the glory of God. What is the glory of God in itself? Is it not just the revelation of who he is? God showing himself? What the sunset boldly proclaims in color, the mountain reflects in magnificence. Is not God glorified when someone gives to the poor, or makes the decision to say no to drugs? Isn't he glorified by the very fact that we exist? And isn't all that put together just a revelation of who he is? So, when I talk about the Glory of God, there are two things that come to mind first and foremost. First, God is Love (1st John 4:8), and second, God is Holy (1st Peter 1:15/16).

SO, (wow there is so much packed in that last sentence.....) If God's glory is a revelation of his love and his holiness (and all his other attributes) and we respond accordingly because of who he is, then we as people begin to see things in a whole new different way. If the glory of God is at the center of our lives, and we reflect Glory back on him by reflecting he himself....*grin*, if this generation, rises up, and places God's glory at the CENTER of our everything and all, then there's your solution to world missions, to local missions, to evangelism, to countless other things. Look at the world around us. Sin, poverty, war, disease, homosexuality. Are these the problems? No, these are the symptoms of a world that has replaced God's glory at the center with MAN.

Romans 1:22-25

Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles.
Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator–who is forever praised. Amen.

The Glory of God cannot be stressed enough. So is the link between holiness and glory clear? I sure was floating for about two weeks when it clicked for me (this was way at the beginning of the month by the way).

The third and final lesson, which concludes things, wraps it all up, brings it all together, and also launches me onto a new journey is the lesson of Jesus.

I was lying in on the floor today. Just crying out to God, "what is it Lord, what is your will. Here I am about to embark on a journey to start out my adult life. Speak to me. I am listening."

And I heard very clearly back, "Daniel do you love me?"
"Of Course!"
"Daniel do you know me?"
"I know you Jesus."
"Daniel do you know my heart for you and for this generation?"
"....."
"Daniel love me more, know me more--know my heart for this generation."

Bill Bright, the founder of Campus Crusade was once asked what Jesus meant to him. He didn't say anything, but just started crying out of love at the mention of Jesus' name. Teta Neta was a lady in our church who passed away several months ago, and she was in and out of the hospital with doctors for tests, and when she was under anesthesia, or just coming out of it, there was one word, the thing that filled up her mind, her entire conscious--Jesus. She repeated his name over and over and over again.

I pray that I may grow in love with Jesus like that. And this is how this last lesson starts off my new journey: for the next year I am going to pray (daily if I can) to know Jesus' heart for this generation. Specifically in America, but to know his heart for every single one of us. I would love for any of you reading this to join me in that prayer of seeking God out for his heart for this generation.

Well, there you have it. The final installment of this five month mission. Thank you for joining me on this road of listening.

Month 4

2008-04-28T12:37:00.005-05:00

Here it is folks, part four of a five month journey, which something tells me will last oh so much longer than five months! I've been itching to write this note to find out what is really going on inside my head. It's one thing to have thoughts swimming around in your head, and quite another to tame them into the submission of intelligible words. What a month it has been, and two things tug at my heart now, one, that April 2008 is over, I'll never get to come back. Two, only May is left.

These lessons never cease in stupefying, exacerbating, and frustrating me. I love learning these jewels set before me, but in the end application can be such a downer sometimes! But the Joy of my Lord is what keeps me going on some of these more "impossible" lessons.

This month was far from the most amazing month I've ever experienced, (believe me FAR from it) but the more painful lessons are those which will stick with me longer. Now, this month was not terrible either, it was a fantastic month in which I saw God move in tremendous ways in myself and in other people. Allow me this, that Spring Break was officially a tough time. Curious yet? I'm gonna share, the first lesson (and these are in no particular order either, chronological or otherwise) and believe it or not, it's on depression and discouragement.

Discouragement is a hard thing to take. Especially when something that you've worked for for months and months is suddenly ripped from you. It can really really ache on the inside when you realize what you lost, and it really challenges who you are, and in those times is when the real you steps out onto the playing field.

When times are rough, when you feel so down and discouraged, what do you do? I see that there are two choices, one, mope, dwell in your misery. Enjoy it, wallow in self-pity hoping others will feel sorry for you. Or, the second option remains open. Get past it. Learn from God through the situation. He is trying to get something across!

It seems that the lessons for this month, were not simply coming across as things to learn from afar, but rather as lessons learned the hard way. I was stressed out, emotionally, spiritually, and physically when my family went away for a couple of days to Durres. I was in one form or another depressed. Not near any serious depression, but definitely down. The hardest part for me was that I couldn't seem to kick it. If you don't know me very well, you might not know that I have a rebound from being down about something that's incredibly fast. Somehow God just "pops" my head back into perspective and I'm fine again, no matter what the situation. But guess what? It wasn't happening.

I kept kicking myself, "what about all those lessons Daniel? What about the "joy of the Lord" you love to talk about?" Obviously one's self may or may not be the best person to talk to at times but what else to do right? Are you waiting for the lesson from this experience still by the way? Guess what, me too. At the end of the little vacation, I was much much better, mainly because of the great times with my family and the ones with Jesus out on the beach. But what I learned from all this is that, this stuff happens. God is there, but God is NOT a feeling or an emotion. I am here to praise him, to bring glory to his name, and (as my old teacher Mrs. Thompson would say) "Full Stop!" (or "period" for you Americans out there).

The point is, God is there through my tough times, and I know things are going to happen out there that will make Spring Break look like small fries. I won't go into the more morbid details of what is passing through my head, but the point is, this is a "dark world". But I am also a stranger to this dark world, I was created for heaven, and more and more do I feel the longing for it, but my time is far off. God's not done with this pencil yet!! So if that lesson isn't clear yet, well let me try and put a thesis to it, or sum it up. Tough times happen, and God is there (and HE IS GOOD). Nothing profound, nothing deep, but something I needed to experience first hand.

Shoot this is already long, well anyways onto number two. Worship is the second one for this month. Now, as a worship leader for teens, I do a lot of self-examination and thinking about worship. What does it mean to worship, or what is worship truly, and how does one "lead" others into worship. Now, first of all, when God really moves in me as a worship leader, he moves by breaking Daniel up into tiny bite-sized pieces. The entire week before the youth team and I led worship before the church, I was in search for God as I felt him break me. I have a prayer journal that I write in and the entire week before that Saturday was filled with crying out and desperate pleading to the Father for a glimpse of him, or a feel of his splendor. Nothing. I got up on that Saturday night in front of the church and worshiped my creator. I was so blessed by him as he sweetly drew me into his presence, and kept me in his wonderful embrace. You see, that is where we belong. That's it. Period. Right there. With God. I keep coming back to a definition for worship, "worship is the true recognition of God." So, let's talk about God for a second--endless. Ok, our worship should reflect that and be endless. You see, if we truly get who God is, then our worship never ends. We live there, and HE lives in the praises of his people. We as humans have a desire to praise things that inspire or awe us. Like when we see an amazing move in a football game, or when we gaze upon a beautiful sunset. We feel the urge to praise it. The better it is, the more we praise it. So we have GOD. Now, this is where Daniel feels like he has wasted his time praising anything else. This just sums it up, so let me say it again, "worship is the true recognition of God." I knew this definition of worship before but it just clicked with me this month so anyways there's the second lesson.

Now here is the third and seemingly recurring lesson, but yet another aspect of it. At the very beginning of the month I went to a retreat for three of us seniors who are heading back to the states. One of the things we did was study the first six chapters of Daniel, but we looked at it as a young man going to a different culture and how he responded to it. Going back to the States in a month, I am going to be able to RELATE. I've read through it over and over again, and I want to be like Daniel in this new culture. Now how is this a recurring theme? It has to do with having a solid foundation in my faith, in the word, and in my God. Daniel prayed daily, he always gave glory to God for anything that happened. He was placed in positions of power and notice how he's one of the few major leaders in the Bible that no major sin of his is revealed??? He stayed STRONG in the Lord during his time in Babylon, and Persia, and whatever else came his way! He had a foundation that would not move, and he adapted to the new culture. He learned the language and the literature, he knew it better than the other wisemen, but that does not mean that he gave up who is was as an Israelite.

He remained in the Lord, in a foreign country. He went through some tough times, and spoke with "wisdom and tact" one verse says. He sought the Lord out. God gave Daniel wisdom and used him in that strange and foreign land. I pray that God grants me wisdom as well as I travel off to America in just over a month. May I live a life of worship, that I may be always broken and God may always be in the forefront doing his thing. I love how it does me zero good to worry, cause *chuckles* what's the worst that could happen?

So anyways, third and final lesson is the one of Daniel. How he stayed planted by the streams of living water in a foreign country. That's it for April, and one more month to go of this incredible 17 year journey!

The First Goodbye

2008-04-11T09:07:00.004-05:00

This was the first of many. I stood there silent, watching the Adriatic Sea. My family and I had just finished a walk along its shores and were heading back to the room to finish packing. The sea seemed like it was trying to force its way up onto the shore, to come, conquer and rule. But the land stood there, not moving, steady, ever waiting, but assured. I gazed at the water, lapping and crashing and smiled. I wasn't sure when I was going to see these waters again, but I did know that I would see them! I turned away and started walking towards my family to head home. It was a nice goodbye. What made it special? The sea waved as I left.

Let's pray all the other goodbyes go just as well, as I slowly bid farewell to various chunks of my heart....

Bucket List (things to do before I kick the bucket...)

2008-04-08T15:09:00.006-05:00

Kiss the prettiest girl in the world

Take my family on vacation to Kotor someday

Go on vacation in Greece.

Memorize two books of the Bible

Worship God in a stadium filled with Albanian worshipers

Make a difference in somebody’s life

Try every taco joint in Oklahoma City

Plant an olive tree with my wife when I get married.

Visit El Salvador

Go out to sea, and look at the stars in the middle of the ocean

Hear a baby’s first cries

Work on the ranch for a month

Draw a masterpiece

Walk on Dajti with my fiancé in March

Watch hundreds of young people live their lives out to the fullest for Christ!

Grow old with my lover, partner, best friend, and wife (a lot of things for one gal!)

Suffer a tragedy

Do a massive road trip all across the states visiting old mk friends

Write a worship song

~~Compose a love song~~

~~Go puddle jumping~~

Visit Australia and try some burgers that Matt’s told me about

Return to Albania to serve God

Look through a telescope at Saturn

Stay silent for a month to listen to God’s voice

Learn the meaning of compassion

Ride a motorcycle

Go to a pro baseball game

Go to a pro basketball game

Go to a Sooners bowl game

Learn what faith is all about

Run a marathon

Get buff (doctor's orders!)

Cook a fantastic meal

Go fishing out on a boat all day

Cry tears of joy

Love someone selflessly and unconditionally

~~Drink a cold beer on top of the sky tower with my dad~~

Go on vacation with just my mom

~~Watch God do something huge!~~

Bless someone else

Watch the super bowl live

Attend a little league game

Float in a boat on a lake at night, worshiping God with my guitar

~~Dunk a basketball~~

Paint an oil painting

Be in a full length play

Act in a movie

~~Do a flip on a trampoline~~

Learn how to snowboard

~~Leave a secret flower for somebody to find~~

~~Cry while saying goodbye~~

Drink coffee in the morning with my wife

Find the true meaning of wisdom

Live by myself

Complete a real crossword puzzle

Attend an all night prayer meeting

Learn to enjoy a foot rub

Read through the Bible in a year

Watch a sunset, and stay up all night to watch the sunrise

~~Go to a fancy restaurant~~

Be a camp counselor

Go for a walk in the rain with someone I love

Make friends with a bird

Find the perfect rocking chair

Have a top ten high-score on an online game

Play with my little girl

Visit Ireland

Visit Washington D.C.

~~Record a song~~

Write a book

Milk a cow

Write a poem on love

Get my Albanian Citizenship

Drift slowly into the loving arms of my heavenly father at the end of this small pathetic journey, to start the real one….

Senior's Retreat

2008-04-07T06:03:00.001-05:00

Disclaimer** This is something I wrote for an missionary kid website recounting a retreat I just went to for mk's about to go through re-entry, so throughout the entire selection I'm addressing mk's. Anything I say that may sound negative about Americans doesn't not automatically mean that I have a problem with you (if you are American) or anything close. I am most likely not even referring to you if you are reading this, so please do not take offense.

*Daniel gets comfortable for the long haul: rocking chair, comforter, pillow, journal, computer....and begins...*

So basically what happened was that Erin, Josiah, and I all went to a upstairs "apartment" of one of the missionary families here, with three leaders to talk about re-entry and such, but more specifically, R.A.F.T. (Remember this is all about re-entry into the states for mk's headed to college, but applicable to everybody headed back to live in the US again)

Reconciliation
Affirmation
Farewells
Thinking ahead

I'll go through one by one each of the letters and I may take too long in explaining, but hey, you don't have to read it if you don't want to! Ok, so here goes....

Reconciliation

For this we first did a Bible study on two different sections in Matthew, chapter 5: 21-26, and chapter 18:15-20. (sorry I'm not gonna cite all the verses, but I'm sure you guys have Bibles around somewhere). So those verses launched us into the discussion about forgiveness, and seeking forgiveness. Are there people in my life, that have wronged me? Have I wronged other people in my life? Basically is there bad relationship somewhere over here that needs to be fixed before leaving. Because without a healthy end to relationships here, it's very hard to start healthy ones once I'm in the states. Two more verses were brought up, Ephesians 4:26, and Matt 25:23-24.

We sat and thought of people that we might have unhealthy relationship with that we'd need to fix before leaving. Either people we have wronged or we haven't forgiven yet. So, although a hard thing to do, it is extremely beneficial to make sure that I'm not leaving anybody behind that I have something against cause when might the next chance I have to make peace with them be, right?

Ok, so that was the R
now for

Affirmation

When we did this section, it really was incredible how it opened my eyes to things I'd never thought of before! They had us ask questions of ourselves, "What has God been teaching me in my time here?" "what experiences have shaped me?" "What relationships have shaped me?"

So I wrote down a list of 20-30 people that have played a role in shaping who I am today. And then I began a list with the numerous different stories behind each name. And boy! Have I ever been blessed! Thinking back through all the people who have helped to shape me for who I am today! It really made me grateful to each one, but especially to God for placing them each in my life! You should really try this too! It's incredible how many people have had an effect us when you think about it!!

Farewells

Ok, so guys aren't supposed to cry right? Well I sure got mighty close when we were talking about this one!! (ok so I did a little, only misplaces a tear or two...but you would too!)

They asked us to list all the groups of people that areimportant to us here. Like our youth group or Bible study, or whatever. Then they had us list all the places that are special to us here in Albania. What about possessions? Or activities? We thought through them all. Then she gave us a sheet with People, Places, Possessions, and Activities; on it and asked us to think through how we're going to say goodbye to each one. With whom are we going to say goodbye? When are we going to say goodbye? Where are we going to say goodbye? So on and so forth.

During this entire period of sitting on a couch and listening and thinking about all those goodbyes, I really felt how important this land and this people are to me. This has been my entire life and most of my experience. Every room in this house....the boulevard, the church building, my neighborhood, the center square, etc. I've been watching God's work here for 17 years and now I'm gonna head off and leave it all....saying goodbye to everything is most definitely going to be one of the hardest things I'll ever do....

Thinking Ahead Part 1

Ok, so this is the final and longest lesson that we had over the weekend.
We dealt with a wide variety of issues but all relevant and needed! First, specifically for us seniors going to college, thinking about establishing a pattern in dorm life, and who we become friends with. As outcasts (not really but that's how we feel sometimes) we like to join other outcasts in not fitting in together, but that can be unhealthy in that sometimes those outcasts can drag us down in many areas including (but not exclusively limited to) drugs, drinking, sex, whatever. So just being aware about choosing friends wisely.

We then went on to discuss pitfalls that we might come across

Frustration
Ever get frustrated with Americans? The materialism? The Culture? whatever? Yeah, this is where we vent all the things about Americans that are frustrating to us. I'm not gonna go on here with my personal opinions, already did that at the retreat, but I thought I'd just add it in so that you know you're not the only one who has frustrations with Americans!

Disillusionment
Sometimes we expect Americans (ok well for me and everybody at the retreat, it was americans, but this could be wherever your home country is from, but I'm focusing on americans...) to be different somehow or I dunno, whatever. But we get back and the American Christians of my generation seem comatose and apathetic, about their faith, or their relationship with Jesus. (little disclaimer here, not ALL americans are this way, but from my experience, the vast majority that I have run into are this way).

Now this has more to do with relationships and talking, so no they aren't going to want to talk about Albania all the time (why ever not?!?! ;) )
and they may seem like they don't care, but listen to them. Answer questions about home, if they want to know more then answer more. Send out "feeler" answers to gauge their interest in your story Show them that as mk's we aren't perfect! We struggle with things too! We aren't "holier than thou" we are "chiefer among sinners". And also listen to them, what may seem shallow, can be very interesting to them and we need to respect them just like we want to be respected.

Judgmental
I don't know about you guys, but this is a MAJOR struggle for me. I have such a tendency and urge to judge these, apathetic, comatose, whatever else you want to call them...people who take the narrow gate and follow the broad path! anyways, not judging them. They are God's children and who am I to judge? They sin, I SIN. They are saved by grace, guess what, me too.

And here was something that was brought out: I have been given the chance to make my faith my own. I have grown up seeing God's work and meeting and watching some heroes of the faith do their thing. Many americans haven't had that privilege.

Take two babies on the floor. One has learned to walk, and the other hasn't. The one that has learned to walk gets up and goes and gets a piece of candy. The other one is laying on the floor. Do we say, "why don't you go get the candy!!" and judge the baby for not walking? Or do we rather remember that the baby maybe never had the chance or the opportunity to learn how to walk and needs loving care, not judgment. We need to pray for these people and not judge them. here's the quote that really made this section for me.

"Forgive much, love much, and walk humbly"

Hostility
If a person doesn't deal with the last three pitfalls, things start to build up inside. Bitterness begins to take over and grudges build. That is not a healthy way to start a new life in the States.

Hence the next section on pitfalls

Suggestions for Avoiding Pitfalls

Grieve your losses (Here at home, and once there as well)

Be honest (Don't let pride get in the way of sharing struggles with people)

Find a mentor our someone to be accountable to (we need these relationships)

Reach Out (people don't always come to you to make friends, we need to reach out to them)

Thinking Ahead Part 2

Identity

"So where are you from?" Anybody else hate answering that question? "Well, first we were in....then we....after we stayed there for...." What is the answer to that? I have it easier than most being able to really claim Albania as my home, and my people because I grew up here and I consider it home, and the people here my family. But what about mks who have lived in three different countries? Or the ones that have only been to one country but it was just long enough to make America (or wherever) not feel like home, but they still haven't acclimated to their host country enough for it to be home either?

Anyways, the people leading our little retreat said that maybe it's good to have an answer ready, even if it's hard to say, but to be prepared for the question that is inevitably going to be asked.

Reverse Culture Shock (or for people like me who have never lived in this states, simply Culture Shock)

Some symptoms of Reverse culture shock

feeling out of place

feeling lonely

feeling tired

reacting in odd ways

reacting to western materialism

Yeah so, I've felt all of those at one point or another when I've been back in the states, but now in two months or so, I'm going back to live there! *screams* ok so it's not that bad, but still. Now what are some tools that can help us cope with this culture shock?

listen (listen to the people around you who know their way around the culture

inquire (you're gonna have to ask stupid questions some time or another!)

experience (go and do stuff! See what's going on!)

watch (pay attention to what the Americans around you are doing and follow suit! [if appropriate of course!])

Now, they asked us two questions. I answered the first one on the day, but if you need to, go ahead and ask yourself these questions

"What am I doing now for preparing my heart and mind for transplanting?"

"What do I need to put into place to help with my transition?"

Good questions to ask of yourself, and to answer!

Changes
Who knows how long it has been since the last time you were in the states? How have you grown and changed since then? The thing is that people that you know from the states, remember you, but from two, three, five years ago, and you've probably grown a lot since then. Sometimes people have expectations of us that are unrealistic because we've changed so much since the last time that they saw us. So we just need to be aware that people may see the old us rather than the new us!

Personal Qualities
This was just another question they asked us to write things down for, "What personal qualities can help or hinder your adjustment to the States? What can you do to change the ones that will hinder your adjustment?"

Relationships
A yes, one of the major struggles of returning back to the states, dealing with relationships! (I'm not talking about guy-girl stuff either, I mean cause that's even more complicated!! sheesh, especially with girls... (lol)

They gave us a list of advice that mk's have said before about the transition

Seek out other mk's for suppoer and keep existing mk relationship through facebook, email, mkplanet, or whatever

Find a friend you can trust that you can ask stupid questions

Get involved in a small group or a ministry

Find a good church

Don't expect people to be interested in your Jungle story. Talk about yourself only when appropriate

And always with relationships remember Phil. 4:11-13.

Well, I've been working on this on and off for over 2 hours now, so it's time for me to stop. I'd like to add a couple things though, all the times I used American, I was referring to Americans of my generation, but also not all americans fit my descriptions.

RAFT is also in the context of going home, or re-entry. And how to do that in a healthy and positive way. So hopefully this'll be a help to all you mk's headed off to college this fall!

*gets off soapbox, and goes armadillo hunting or something*

Month 3 (original date Mar. 30)

2008-04-06T11:07:00.001-05:00

Well, as I sit down to write this, my heart is pleading with the Lord to let his words be written down and not mine. It's a constant struggle for me to quiet my ever loud heart to listen to the word of Jesus, and I pray that this is one of those times. Time is flying by. The days seem to drag on but when I turn around and look, a whole other month has gone by. The question arises, "What did I do with myself for an entire month?" Well, my main spiritual journey this month was the one of faith, but we'll get to that later cause it was the second lesson afterall.

The first thing this month that God really showed to me, was through an experience, but then found in scripture as well. I go jogging twice a week down the boulevard of my beloved city of tirana. I go early in the morning, before cars and people overrun the streets. There I pray and gaze in awe at the beauty of this city that God has placed me in. I like to run and just pray for people, either on my prayer list or that I pass by as I jog. Well anyways, this particular morning, I was feeling rather selfish and made the decision to not pray for anybody else but rather focus on ME and focus on GOD. Things were going good, but I felt a gap between me a God. So as I started out with my run I begin to question God, "Where are you?" "What's going on?" "How come I don't feel you?" "Why is this happening? Life is going great, but why on earth don't I feel this connection?" The questions went on and on and my God stayed very quiet through it all. Getting frustrated I reached the half-way point of my run, Sheshi Nene Tereza (or mother teresa's square). I sat down on one side of it to focus all of my thoughts and my entire being on God. I stared at the bold beauty of the morning sky. There my heart got quiet, and I listened. "I am always here Daniel. Don't you see my work spread across the heavens?" slowly but surely I felt his presence cover me and give peace to my heart. Basking in his love, and the power of his creation, I sat speechless.

I said earlier that the first lesson was through and experience and the Word, and sure enough that weekend a verse in Zechariah really hit me. Zechariah 1:3 says, "Therefore tell the people: This is what the LORD Almighty says: 'return to me,' declares the LORD Almighty, 'and I will return to you,' says the LORD Almighty."
Return to me, and I WILL return to you....what a promise. Notice it doesn't put a time-line on the verse, but it is still a promise, return to me and I will return to you. Life application? In college, I KNOW that there will be rough times, times when I feel like nobody is there, and hopefully this verse will come to mind to comfort me, and guide me back to him.

Man, this is already long, I'm sorry, well you don't have to read all of it anyways, this is half for me to get all these thoughts out. The next lesson was the lesson of faith. I went so in depth with this lesson it would take far to long to try and sum it all up but I do want to bring forward the two points that stood out to me most.

What happened with this lesson was that I was going through Hebrews and kind of just read through chapter 11, hoping to get something about faith, but nothing really jumped out at me. So I continued, and then I finished and moved on to Romans. First chapter, "the righteous live by faith" or something like that. That week in the Corinthian's Bible study, "We live by faith, not by sight". I was feeling very strongly from God that I was to go back and STUDY chapter 11 of Hebrews. So I went back did so for the next few weeks, and each story mentioned, I would go back and study what happened, or came about "by faith".

The first of the two things that came to me was about living by faith. What does that mean? Is it just living with a trust in the Lord? No, it's far more than that! Look what happened throughout the old testament....BY FAITH. Living by faith is an entire mindset and way of thinking. A way of approaching life and living it out. It is living by seeing the world as God sees it, by our faith, by our trust in him. So there it is in a nutshell, and my prayer is that every day I would live BY FAITH and not by sight (the things of this world that surround me and distract me!).
The second section of this lesson about faith has to do with my time at GFU. I KNOW that God is going to do something big there. He is going to move and I can't wait to see it happen, and am so privileged that he will allow me to be there to watch! By faith, the walls of Jericho (these are CASTLE walls) were tumbled, by FAITH the red sea was parted!!!!! I want THAT faith when I go to University and pray that others would desire the same faith and see what God does! Can you imagine a whole campus filled with faith that God is going to move?? That is a group of people that God can and will use to do mighty things for his kingdom and lift his name up ever higher!

I am so excited about this faith, I almost don't know what to do with myself!! but anyways, for the sake of brevity will move onto the next lesson.

The third (and yes final) lesson this month I found was simply adding onto a lesson that seems to be a continuing theme. Being rooted in the Word, being rooted in Jesus! This time instead of the lesson coming from connecting two chapters in John, rather it came from the Psalms. Psalm 1 (or at least part of it)
says,

"Blessed is the man
who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked
or stand in the way of sinners
or sit in the seat of mockers.
But his delight is in the law of the Lord,
and on his law he meditates day and night.
He is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither.
Whatever he does prospers."

Man, I want to be that guy! In college, it will be such a huge temptation to get sucked into it all. At GFU and now, my DELIGHT (what gets me excited, what puts a fire in me and passion!) needs to be in the Law of the Lord! I need to study it, day, night, all the time! I need to be planted by it and soak it in continually! This is something I feel really called to do this summer, just so that by the time college comes around hopefully I will have grown deep roots in the words to guide me and keep me through college. Psalm 119 says, "How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word." What a calling and a challenge!!

Well this last month was such blessing from God especially the part about faith. I didn't go into much detail but if you want to hear more about the faith part just ask! Ok well there are only two more months here in Albania....can't wait to see what God does and see what else he has in store. Ok cya next month I guess!

Month 2 (original date Feb. 26)

2008-04-06T11:06:00.001-05:00

So, it's getting later on in the evening, but my heart, my spirit, and my mind are all focused on him right now, and so what better time to write about the lessons that he has shown me this month? I'm thinking about how quickly the rest of my time here will go, and how quickly my entry to the states is coming up. Instead of becoming a fact that I know will happen, it is slowly turning to reality, as I begin to truly treasure this time that I have left here in my home. I'm grateful to my Father for guiding me during these months, and for giving me lessons to learn, and to seek him more about. February is almost gone, and there are only three months left after this. May God bless them as he has blessed February.

It may be a little early to write this, but I feel that this is the time where the Spirit will guide what I have to say most so I'll write it now. The first lesson out of three for this month is almost a continuation of last month's. Right before the month ended, I felt God give me a lesson on the importance of reading the word of God. How that is like oxygen to us. It wasn't a very developed thought though, and so I asked God to really guide me and show me how much more he had to offer in that area, and here is what I found.
The 2nd lesson for January was following him, while the third for the same month was the importance of the word. The lesson I got this month was the combination of both of them.

John 1 talks about how in the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God and the Word was God. Jesus is the Word. He is the very truth itself. The message of God to man. Take that and combine it to John 15 which says something along the lines of, "I am the vine and you are the branches. Remain in me and I will remain in you." Something like that. Remember how I talked about the grape illustration? About how the branches don't have to squeeze the fruit out, but rather fruit is produced because the branches are attached to the vine. We are the branches, and Jesus, the Word, is the vine. We need to abide, to live in, to get our energy for life out of the Word. Remaining in it, abiding in it, memorizing it. The Word is how we stay attached to God. By living in it daily, God will be glorified in us and fruit will be produced because of it.

The second lesson was the resolution of an inner conflict that I have had for almost as long as I can remember. It's the lesson of joy, through the perspective of mercy. After coming to the realization of the Word of God, and abiding in it, I really set out to do that, and a word that I came across was mercy. There were ten lepers that called out to Jesus, "Have mercy on us!" When people asked for healing from Jesus, they didn't ask (like I probably would) "pour out your grace on me so that I may be healed" but rather a cry for mercy. The "pat answer" definition of mercy that I know is, "not getting a punishment that you deserve".
So why where these lepers calling out for Jesus to have mercy on them and heal them? Because the didn't deserve healing. They didn't deserve the very air that they were breathing. And neither do I. Do this with me, inhale. hold it. ok, now....exhale. THAT was the mercy of God. Each one of us deserves complete and utter obliteration. It's through God's mercy that we even exist. So with that lens, or perspective let me share a story.
For a very long time I have been thinking about eternity. And it wasn't rare that I would cry myself to sleep over it. That my life wouldn't matter in eternity. That I would reach 80 years old and look back over my life, and shake my head at how I wasted it. How I could have served God so much more. I was always ripped apart inside, weeping at the thought that I would waste this life. I would cry out, "I only have one shot Father!! Just one chance! Please help me to get it right!! Dear God! I don't want to waste my life Father! I want you to use me! Guide me Father!"
A desperate prayer indeed. But it gave me passion, and fuel, and a reason for getting up in the morning other than that my alarm went off. It gave me something eternal to live for, but it was out of duty, and fear of failure, that I was motivated. This month I finally discovered the joy of it.

I was sooo excited!!! It was the same coin that drove me on, and kept me going, but instead of a dark feeling about it, the coin was flipped and I was filled with, "an unspeakable joy"!!! Absolutely fabulous!! My prayer was changed then from what it was to, "Father thankyou for giving me a shot!!! Thank you for this chance!! Thankyou for your help!! Lord your name be praised for glorifying yourself in me!! I praise your mercy for allowing me to serve you!!" It's interesting that because of mercy, that I am even able to breathe, that God showed me what an astounding joy it is to serve him.

The third and final lesson (so far) this month was one that God showed me in church last Saturday. For me, although it didn't give me the absolute freedom the last one did, I feel that this could be the most important lesson of all. I was standing in worship, praising the Lord, and glorifying Him, when I had a vision. well, it wasn't so much a vision, as a mental picture, or something that I saw in my mind. It was the throne room of heaven. The Throne right down the Center with a massive aisle in front of it. And on both sides, hundreds upon hundreds of thousands of people all glorifying God. And I got to lift up my voice with them to praise him. And I realized that, nothing else mattered right at that moment. That was what I was living for. That was the everything. It was the very purpose I was created for, how could anything else matter? How could I live to see what was happening on facebook? Or to work this summer to make money to go to college? Or even to have a relationship with a girl? How can any of that compare to praising the Father? I think about how at home I can be in this world and how sad that is. I am too easily temporarily pleased. I get distracted so easily when I have the Creator right there, but still, a good book, my family, my friends, the people I love most in the world, all get in the way of my loving God above all. Nothing else can come before him. Absolutely nothing. I need to be able to reach the point, where I love nothing of this world compared to how much I love the Father. How even if everything I love was ripped away from me, I would still be in communion with my God, and love him. Am I at the point yet? I don' think so. I get distracted by the things of this world, but I pray that I will keep my eyes focused, not on what is seen, but what is unseen. That I will live by my faith, my everything I believe in, and not by what I can see, what I can touch and feel here. (Live by faith and not by sight).

So that concludes this Month of February. God really is blessing me, and his grace abounds. I've never done this before, been able to look back through the month and pick out the places where God has been teaching me things. He is good.

I'm really excited about these lessons and I'm grateful they keep coming! So until next time!!

Month 1 (original date Jan. 30th)

2008-04-06T11:03:00.001-05:00

Mark one of the calendar boys! One month is gone! Spent! only four more left to go.....

As I sit and write this, I wonder-why? Why am I writing this? Why do I feel the urge to share what God has been teaching me over this past month? Several reasons come to mind. First and foremost I believe, is because God is glorified when he reveals himself to anyone. So when he reveals himself to me, time and time again throughout these months, his name is revered and he is glorified. So why wouldn't God be glorified more by the sharing of these lessons? Doesn't he deserve all the glory for everything ever? So when I share these lessons may his name be lifted higher and higher, in my mind and in the mind of others. The second reason is because it helps me to share them. It forces me to sit and think, to ponder, to go into the inner recesses of my mind and ask questions. It teaches more about the lesson, to share it, because then it forces me to organize my thoughts into the English language. To convert these thoughts and feelings, and thought fragments into something written and understandable.

The first lesson learned, was actually before I began my "listening" campaign. And when I say the first lesson learned, I should really say the first lesson learned of. I haven't "learned" any of these lessons, far from it! Instead I have discovered that there are lessons to be learned. Anyways, the first lesson was on Love. This is my new year's resolution. To love. To learn to love. To not only love those that love me, cause anyone can do that can't they? But instead to really love those people that don't love me. To sit and consciously make the decision to love them, and then to act on it. Out of all the lessons I have learned of, I believe this has been and will prove to be in the future, the hardest!

Loving someone who seems to be, in my eyes, un-lovable is a really hard thing! But when I go to the states, I think I'll be running into people like that much more often than here. So the lesson is better learned now than later! And loving people is definitely NOT fun all the time. I think I might have mentioned this in my last note too, but when I go to gfu, I think it will be really hard for me to love people, and then they won't be very open with me if I'm not loving. Loving people is treating them according to the value that God gives them. So anyways, that's the first lesson.

Second lesson? Well that was one that I wasn't looking for. But I asked God to prepare me for college and he really has been! I was sitting down with someone for coffee, and I was talking about how I was reading in Luke about the cost of following Jesus. And stemming from that, what distractions are in my life that are keeping me from following God completely and serving him with 100% of my heart. I continued with the fact that when I go to the US the number of distractions I will face will be multiplied by about 10! So what can I do now to help stay on track and then in college so that I won't be distracted from my calling there. He then asked me what I thought my calling was for my time at gfu. And I went into a lengthy explanation of what I thought it was, and what I hoped God would do with my time there. He was quiet for a second, gathered his thoughts and shared this.

Sometimes we can get so caught up in the calling. We run after it, and forget about God's timing and letting him do it. He gives us a direction and we start running! We need to wait, and let fruit be produced in God's timing.

At my house we have a balcony that has a canopy of grapes that covers ever side and the top and everything. Anyways, he asked me if during the summer I ever walked out there and and heard this, "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeuh. MMMMMMMMMuuuuuuuuuuuuuh." (squeezing sounds). Obviously I said no. His point was, that the grape branches don't have to squeeze the grapes out. Because the branches are attached to the vine, it's just natural that they would produce fruit. In fact it's the same way with me. If I go to college, and my main focus is "the calling" I can get so caught up in that and forget the main thing. To follow Jesus, my savior all the time. Just doing that will fulfill my calling better than any effort of mine! So that was basically that lesson!

The third and final main lesson that I learned about this month was just last night. Out of all the lessons, this is the freshest, and least thought through on my part, but I'll give it a stab anyways. It has to do with reading the Bible. I was listening to an online sermon on this verse. James 1:21 says, "therefore get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you which can save you." The thing that makes this passage interesting for me is where it says "humbly accept the word planted in you." How does that work right? How can you humbly accept or receive the word that's already implanted in you? Well the preacher explained it like this. He said that the word was implanted in us when we were saved. So how can we receive that after it's planted in us? The example he gave was oxygen. I have oxygen implanted in me right now. the doesn't mean that I don't need to breathe does it? People don't walk around and say, "I don't need to breathe." That'd just be ridiculous!

I had been feeling like something wasn't quite right with me. Life was fantastic, but it wasn't, hmmm I dunno. I guess I just wasn't satisfied with it. After listening to that guy, (and another sermon on prayer) I realized how much I was living with holding my breath throughout the day. So now, my goal, is to really really seek God out, with all my heart. Breathe the oxygen all the time. Never hold my breath, and completely immerse myself in him.

Well that's it really! I still feel a little unsatisfied with that last point as far us truly understanding it, but I pray God will really reveal to me the fullness of it in the coming weeks, months, and years!
Ok well that's the end of the first month! Can't wait to see what God has in store for me during the shortest month of the year!

Listening (original date Jan. 14th)

2008-04-06T10:34:00.001-05:00

What to say? For the past week I have been in and out of thinking deeply, asking questions of God. Asking about life here in Albania, and life in the future at college.

Just recently I finished a picture I drew for a friend with the verse Jeremiah 29:11 written on it. I have gazed over those words for months now, reading them in my mind for her, but never applying them to me.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

Recently something happened and I seem to have bunch of mental free time. I have free RAM almost in my head. And it seemed that in my times with God, I kept on coming across a theme of..."listening". And I over this period, I was reading a passage in Luke 8. Starting in verse 16 it talks about a lamp on a stand. How when you light a lamp, you place it somewhere where it gives light. Then it continues (after several other verses on the subject) and says, "Therefore, carefully consider how you listen." Right out of the blue. I must have read that passage 8 times over two days and not seen that.

So then I grappled with what the "Therefore" meant. Why place a therefore between two subjects? The light revealing things, and carefully considering how you hear? What? I thought it through over and over, knowing that God had a gem in there somewhere for me.

To cut long story short though, I found it and to sum it up...

I have five months before going to the states. During hat time, I really feel God is going to use to teach me, to prepare me, and to show me more of him. I feel I've entered this "learning phase". The Holy Spirit is full of things to teach me, and is always with me. I just need to be truly willing to listen, be willing to learn, and be willing to change. Like i said earlier, I have that extra RAM, and really feel led to use it for this. I'm going to really trust my Lord to prepare me for the four years that I will be there, and all he has planned for me.

When I go to the states, there are several things that I am actually afraid of. I'm afraid that I will become an American, that I will be sucked in to the materialism, the love of one's self, just ll the negative things that I associate with that country. It's interesting though, that I have trouble with thinking about the good things about America. But anyways, the second thing that I'm afraid of is myself. My arrogance, my pride. My thinking that these 'dumb americans' don't really know what they're talking about.

I as an MK automatically know everything and seem to assume an almost superior role to any peer I talk to in the States. *sigh* wow, talk about stupid right? I am really gonna struggle with that, and if people feel like I'm judging them they probably won't warm up to me!

On campus at George Fox, I want people to be able to trust me, to know that I love them, and truly care for them. When that happens, they will be more open to listening to me, but if not more importantly, they will probably me more willing to help me grow. And those are two of my life goals, to love people, and learn from them.

So obviously i need help in this area, but I am trusting God that he knows what's going on. He is good, and I am listening.